091: Embracing the Healing Potential of Authentic Sisterhood

There's something undeniably potent about the bonds of sisterhood—esepcially when those deep, empathetic connections can act as a salve to our innermost wounds. Join me, Bridget, as I share about my weekend away and how unmasked vulnerability bloomed into a sacred space of personal growth. It takes courage it takes to reveal our true selves, to allow the full spectrum of our experiences to be witnessed and held by those we trust. And yet, it is the way to deep healing!

Trauma expert Peter Levine lends his insights on trauma. Trauma is two-fold:

1. It is not the event itself, but how the body records it!
2. Trauma occurs in the absence of an empathetic witness.

This is why in order to heal trauma, you must either be your own or seek out an empathetic witness.  Conscious sisterhood offers the ability to support one another, fully see the other person, and offer feedback that's grounded in love, not judgment. In today's episode explore the 'sisterhood wound,' that all-too-common thread of pain and insecurity in women's relationships, and the healing potential that arises from authentic, conscious connection.

Creating friendships with women who can be a clean reflection and mirror for me has been such a pivotal role in my journey. I would truly be lost without it. This is why I am creating my community, FULLY ALIVE. If you struggle making friendships, I want you to know there is a seat at the table just for you. I'd love to invite you to join us for an incredible opportunity to receive live coaching, teaching, and unconditional support inside of this community! You can learn more here. 

Let's Connect.

If you want to inquire about coaching and receiving support in helping you create stronger connections to yourself, your purpose, and those in your life email me your story here....bridget@findherwildcoaching.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, my name is Bridget and this is my podcast, wake Up and Thrive. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind. So if you're ready, it's time. It's time to wake up and thrive. Hello, good morning and welcome back to another solo episode of Wake Up and Thrive man.

Speaker 1: 1:05

This week, you guys, has been the full range for me. I am coming off of a girls weekend, which is what I'm going to talk about on today's episode the power of sisterhood, but because of that, I am sitting in exhaustion. I feel I was super teary-eyed and overwhelmed. I was a little frustrated and angry at one of my kids and then I don't know if you follow me on Instagram, but I had just the most hysterical experience of my life and so I was laughing like a lot, so just hitting the full range of all the things and, yeah, I mean it's just been a reminder of like, oh, this is life, right, this is what it is to live fully alive, it's to experience all of it and I'm here for all of it. But I also am sitting in this knowing right, this full knowing, because of the beautiful reflections I got from my friends on our time away that things really need to change for me right In my health, in some of my relationships and, most notably, in my business. But I'm also sitting with this knowing of what it's going to take to get there and I'm like I don't know if I have the energy to do that. You know what I mean? It's almost like ignorance truly is bliss, and I've made big changes in my life, so I know what it's going to take. I know the amount of consistency and perseverance that is required, and that's not always my strong suit, to be completely honest. So I'm really sitting here being like, okay, I know with full confidence and clarity, things need to shift. I just don't know if I am willing or ready to do what it takes to get there.

Speaker 1: 2:43

So, that being said, my girls weekend, um went away with three of my very best best coaching friends. Um, we actually met online in a really intense nine month coaching program, and so you get to know people really, really well, and I've said this before that to create intimacy, you really have to allow people to see all of you and you have to be able to see all of the other people, right. And so, because of this coaching container, because we're all coaches, we're all in this work, we've gotten to know each other on a really deep level really quick, and it's been amazing and also somewhat confronting, but in the best way. And that's what I want to talk to you about today. I want to talk to you guys about not necessarily the changes that I'm going to make, because you know, quite honestly, I'm not ready to share and I think, as a society, we need to get back to the space of not having to share everything with everyone. I know I'm guilty of that, but you know, instead having the courage to really share your whole truth with the people that can really hold it and see your heart. That's what I got to do this weekend and that's what you know. I really want to encourage all of you guys to do.

Speaker 1: 3:51

If there's something weighing on your heart, there's a change in your life that you know you need to make, it's one thing to sit with yourself and reflect on it. It's another thing to openly admit it in front of other people and really get this beautiful reflection right. Not everybody gets full access to all parts of your heart, but for the people that do get access to your heart, the question is are you willing to really share it? So I want to start by giving a shout out to Shelly, kate and Alicia Girls, you know how much I love you and I have no idea where our friendship will take us in this lifetime, but I do know without a shadow of doubt that we were all meant to meet each other in this exact timing, and I'm so flipping grateful for you all's desire to love wholeheartedly, bring conscious awareness to our friendship and truly have the courage to reflect some hard truths back, not just to me, but to all of us.

Speaker 1: 4:46

We did this all weekend long, and it wasn't like we were coaching each other. It was more like oh hey, I've noticed you do this, let me know about that. It was like we were having the conversations I wish all of us could have within our family, within our own circles of friends who aren't coaches, and these are conversations that can be really uncomfortable, and yet they really weren't for me this weekend. They were incredibly liberating, to be completely honest, and I really credit all the work that we four have done up until this point, and that's why we've been able to create this really deep level of friendship. After only meeting online and really only in person three times, it's just been an incredible journey to sort of observe and witness. Especially if you've been around my community for a while, you know that sisterhood and friendship has been such a wounding and a difficult place for me to be, and so these women are healing actively healing parts of my heart, and I know that parts of my heart were healed this weekend, and so it's just been incredible, and so I really want to share my biggest takeaway.

Speaker 1: 5:53

Today's episode is all about the power of sisterhood, but, most importantly, the power of being witnessed by your sisters. So I want to share this quote. Maybe I've shared it before in past episodes, but it was something I stumbled across in my own personal development quests and it's always been something that I come back to over and over and over again, and I'm watching it play out as truth for me and for my clients. And so the quote goes like this the most healing thing you can do is to allow your unhealed parts to be witnessed. Healing thing you can do is to allow your unhealed parts to be witnessed. I wish I could give due credit for who wrote this, but it's such a powerful quote so I want to say it again the most healing thing you can do is allow your unhealed parts to be witnessed. And so the first part is that, in order to reach true healing, we have to be willing to see, because, spoiler, no matter who you are, how put together you are, we all have unhealed parts.

Speaker 1: 6:54

These are what we refer to, naturally, as our shadows, these parts that we want to pretend aren't there, or maybe it's parts that the world or other people in our life, or maybe ourselves, have deemed bad or wrong. They aren't bad. They are most likely vulnerable parts of you that learned a long time ago. It wasn't safe to be seen, and that's why we call it a shadow. A shadow is not something that's bad or dark. A shadow is there because it's in the dark, so healing requires really shining a light on it. And that's the first part.

Speaker 1: 7:28

So if you were beginning to embark on your journey, or maybe you've been on your journey and you seem to kind of hit a plateau, you might be thinking I don't get it. I'm doing all the things I'm reading the books, I'm journaling, I'm talking, I'm praying but nothing's shifting. Well, most likely there is a part of you that is subconscious, or maybe a conscious part of you, but it's still a part that you are trying to just muscle through and hoping and praying. Nobody sees or acknowledges this part. This could be the part that gets insecure or fearful about rejection or abandonment, or maybe you're self-conscious about your body or you experience jealousy. There are so many different ways these parts can show up and even though they may seem minute or maybe you think you've moved beyond them they are a huge part of why you aren't creating the life and relationships you have today. And so, for me, on this weekend away, I really was confronted with some of those shadow parts, and maybe the better word is reflecting. They reflected what they were witnessing back to me instead of confronting, because it wasn't confrontational at all and in fact it wasn't just all about me.

Speaker 1: 8:37

We kind of did this for each other throughout the weekend, like the last day of our time together. We all woke up, we were starting to pack and one of the girls actually brought up an insecurity that she was having around her role in our friendship and it was just so beautiful, it was amazing. It made me really think, like how often do we have these insecurities and either the people we're with can't hold it or we just don't feel comfortable letting people see this part of ourselves. But it was amazing and she would be the first one to tell you she felt so much better after saying it out loud her own insecurities and we all were like, oh my gosh, yeah, me too, right. I think there was one that was like I feel like I'm the boring one. One was like I feel like I'm the party girl. I was like I'm definitely the hot mess express. And then the other one was just she was everything. She was the hype girl. She was like the hype girl and wouldn't meet anyone. So it was really fun to receive these reflections.

Speaker 1: 9:34

And now that I'm like on the other side of it, sort of reflecting back to what I learned about myself on this trip, I'm so fucking grateful Like I'm so grateful to have people in my life. Well, first of all, I'm so grateful that I've built a somatic body where I can receive feedback, because that wasn't always the case, and I'm also so proud of myself for calling in relationships, in my friendships, in my marriage, even with my family, where we all now have this new language of like if something is bothering you or you're seeing something, bring it to me. Don't bring it to me with judgment, don't bring it to me to tell me what to do. Just bring it to me as a loving reflection. And that's what I received this weekend. It was just beautiful, and I really hope you guys have that in your life in some way or another.

Speaker 1: 10:18

So let's go into why it's so important for your healing journey, especially if you're healing trauma which, whether you're aware of it or not, we all carry trauma within our body, because we do not live in a society that teaches us how to fully express and release our experience from our body. So, whether it's big T or little t, we all have trauma, and a really important aspect about it that's not talked about a lot is allowing it to be witnessed. It's so, so important. So I want to reference a really important pioneer in the trauma world. His name is Peter Levine. He's the creator of Somatic Experiencing and he's the author of Waking the Tiger. It's an incredible book about how somatic work can really help heal trauma.

Speaker 1: 11:05

But anyways, trauma is a buzzword these days. I really recognize that and I know a lot of people are waking up and understanding that trauma is not just what happened. It's the way our body recorded what happened. Right, this is true, and there's another really important part about trauma and healing trauma that we cannot overlook. So Peter Levine says trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness. That last part, you guys, is so crucial and I think as society, we don't give it enough weight.

Speaker 1: 11:40

You could have two children that experienced the same event and have a totally different experience. Right, we know this to be true. But why is this? Most likely, it could be related to a combination of factors, but one of the factors is that there wasn't an empathetic witness, there wasn't someone who could see the effects of the event on the child and come to them with acknowledgement for their pain and so much love. Right, and that might be because the child didn't speak about it, but it also might just be the adults in the room at the time the caregivers. They weren't speak about it. But it also might just be the adults in the room at the time the caregivers. They weren't aware of it. Right, we can only we only know what we know.

Speaker 1: 12:19

So I don't say this with judgment, but it is a really important part of how trauma gets into the body. There wasn't this empathetic witness, and so I want to reiterate that we can be our own empathetic and unshaming witness. But oftentimes this is a lot harder, right. Just imagine when you feel really triggered, imagine being a little kid and experiencing shame or embarrassment. It's really hard to be that seven-year-old girl and then be that unshaming witness. Right, you can do that later on as an adult. It's really hard to do that in the moment, and so at the time of trauma, we freeze and we're incapable of being this loving witness and telling ourselves it's okay, it's not your fault, you're loved you belong. Right.

Speaker 1: 13:02

Just think back to your own trauma. What could have shifted for you if you had this empathetic and unshaming witness, either from yourself or a loving and accepting adult in your life? It would have shifted everything. It would have resourced that little girl with the ability to move through that event completely, maybe even completely unscathed, but at least completing whether she needed to cry or scream. And then have somebody there who witnesses her full experience and is wrapping her in so much love. Right, it wouldn't have had such a big impact. So this part of having a witness is so crucial, you guys.

Speaker 1: 13:45

And so what does this mean? And what does this have anything to do with my weekend away with girls with my friends? Well, it means two things, right? So, first of all, we cannot shame ourselves into healing. We know this. You cannot heal in the same energy that the wounding was created. Most of our trauma stems from a level, not most of it. A lot of it stems from this level of shame, this level of what's happening outside of us. Somehow we believe we are at fault for that. We've created that, or it's because of who we are, or we're bad, or we're less than I'm sure that this is resonating, no matter what you've experienced or walked through and again.

Speaker 1: 14:31

So another example is if you were rejected as a little girl, you can't reject this part of you that feels insecure or left out, like back to my example of my friend that brought up on the last day of vacation. That is probably a little bit of her story, right, I know that's a part of my story. Had she not said anything there in that room and we were not given the opportunity to be that empathetic witness like I see. We didn't fix it, we didn't say don't feel that way, we just said oh, I totally see that and we love you no matter how you label yourself. We love you just for how you are. I can almost guarantee you she left that trip without the insecurity, without the imprint in her body like I made, or I showed up in a way that I shouldn't have showed up.

Speaker 1: 15:14

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but it doesn't work. It doesn't work to try to heal the energy by using the same energy that the wounding was created. You need to create your own unshaming witness, and I talk a lot about radical responsibility and compassion as two really powerful ingredients for becoming this witness, and I talk a lot about radical responsibility and compassion as two really powerful ingredients for becoming this witness. And there's something even more powerful when we allow others to be that unshaming witness.

Speaker 1: 15:46

Because think about it, how many times as a kid did you just wish someone outside of you could see what you were experiencing, whether it was your parents or another friend or a sister or a teacher? How would it have shifted things for you? Or how much did you crave for somebody to just come alongside of you and say it's going to be okay, you're deeply loved. This isn't your fault. Well, it's never too late to have the childhood you always wanted. That's something my mentor used to always say to me, but what it means is it's never too late to allow that empathetic witness to speak life over you today. So that could look like within a coaching relationship, bringing up some of those parts of you that you feel so ashamed to even talk about. Right, I know for me, when I worked with my mentor, Brandy, that was a huge part of the healing work we did right, and I did this with my friends.

Speaker 1: 16:41

This weekend. We got to talk about real stuff, things that most of our quote unquote better friends or people we've known longer might not know, and we really took off the masks and just allowed all of ourself to be witnessed. And it's incredible. It just feels incredible. So do not underestimate the power of love in healing your deepest wounding. It's incredible and again, if we could do that for ourselves all the time, that would be amazing. But there's something really powerful about letting somebody else witness it, because that's what we ultimately craved when the trauma first happened.

Speaker 1: 17:21

And I think one of the traumas that women everywhere have experienced in some way shape or form and actually I can with almost 100% certainty say every woman has experienced a layer of this, because I have yet to meet someone who hasn't and what I'm talking about is the sisterhood wound. I'm talking about pain, rejection, insecurity within friendships, within relationships with other women, and I really believe that this is part of the design, because why else would everyone be experiencing this right? But how do you heal it? Many of us are trying to heal it by talking to a therapist or talking to a coach, and I think that's beautiful, I think that's helpful I sure did that in the beginning but where you're going to find the most healing and the most freedom is by experiencing what I experienced this past weekend, which is being around conscious women who can truly hold all of you where you are going to be fully accepted.

Speaker 1: 18:20

When you take off the mask, when you share even the most heartfelt, hardest truths about your past, about currently, the thoughts that come up for you it's all the stuff that you just put in your diary and you hide in a little closet and you just hope nobody sees. I'm telling you, I'm telling you take off the mask, take off the mask, step into a community of women that will see all of you, your mess, your flaws and welcome you with open arms and just watch how your heart starts to transform and how you, for once, maybe in your whole journey, will be like I know what Bridget's talking about when she says healing is possible Like I get it now. I get it now Because you guys, and you know this, I've shared this, I've been very transparent. This is a big part of what I'm here to do because it's a big part of what I've had to heal and you know, insecurities still come up within friendships, but I feel so deeply connected to myself and my truth and I continually have my own back and I'm not rejecting the parts of myself that are quirky or a little like dysfunctional, right, I'm very open about all of these parts of myself. Not with everybody, not everybody's going to get access to your heart, but, for if you could find a safe community and a safe place with like-minded women and be willing to show it, show all of yourself, you guys, I just it would be. I mean, the world would be a different place, because you would then stop projecting all of this pain and insecurity and stress that we're carrying on the world around you, on your business, on your kids, on your husband, on your mother-in-law. Right, if we could really start to integrate some of all this and experience a healthy relationship with other women, everything will change. I promise, I promise, I promise.

Speaker 1: 20:15

So, that being said, I have an incredibly exciting announcement that will be coming mid-May, I think we decided. So come back and stay tuned for that, because it is going to be an opportunity to really heal your shame, the shame that we all carry around and step into what it would look like to be all of you, to be your authentic, full, whole maybe not yet complete self in front of other women and experience just a different dynamic that many of us unfortunately experienced growing up. So that exciting announcement is coming up. You can look for that soon. It's going to be an in-person event and I've never done anything like this and I cannot wait to announce it.

Speaker 1: 20:58

What I can announce now is a special invitation into my new community membership group coaching program called Fully Alive. So in the past, this program has been an eight-week program, where we start on one day, we stop here and I just felt like what the heck? I still want to be able to support these women in life and these tools. Life will always keep lifing and I wanted to be able to provide ongoing support while also encouraging women or empowering women to experience sisterhood the way that I have.

Speaker 1: 21:32

In coaching and throughout my journey, I have not been someone that makes friends easily. It's been a really big struggle for me, and these tools will allow you and help you not just make friends but experience the healing power of unconditional love and respect in sisterhood. That is something that I want so desperately for all of you listeners, and so I'm inviting you in. I'm inviting you in as a prize listener to become a founding member in this membership community. We already have five women who are already in the community and our first kickoff call is May 9th, so you can check out all the details in the show notes. But it's going to be an incredible value for you and it's also going to allow you to experience everything that we're talking about in this episode, because I really believe the women that need this are going to answer yes to this call, and I'm just really excited. I have big visions for this community and I want you to know that there's a seat at the table for you.

Speaker 1: 22:33

So if any of this is calling for you, click the link in the show notes, send me a DM on Instagram, send me an email on my website and let's chat, let's get you hooked up, let's get you plugged in, and I would love to support you for the foreseeable future. So that's all I got for you guys this week. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Learn something. If it resonated, please share it with a family or friend, or tag me on social media and share it to your community. I would be so grateful to help me get this word out, because this is part of healing. We have to understand the importance of being witnessed. All right, y'all, I love you, I love you, I love you. I will see you next week.