Wake up and Thrive

088: A Vulnerable Letter to my Teenage Daughter

April 08, 2024
088: A Vulnerable Letter to my Teenage Daughter
Wake up and Thrive
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Wake up and Thrive
088: A Vulnerable Letter to my Teenage Daughter
Apr 08, 2024

Send us a Text Message.

In today's episode I am doing something I have never done before. Every year I write my kid's a letter on their birthday, and this year I am sharing parts of one of the letters with you. My purpose is to maintain my daughter's privacy, but to also let you all see how the people in your life that trigger you the most can also be your greatest gift. Learning to relate and show up well for her, has shown me so many areas in which I still get to grow and heal. She is the perfect match for me as a mom, and for that I am so grateful.

You are going to want to grab your tissues for this one. I hope it touches you in a powerful way. Even if you don't have a daughter imagine this letter is being written for the people in your life that cause you unease and discomfort. Ask yourself, "What is this person teaching me ABOUT ME?". Relationships are incredible mirrors for us if we are willing to see them that way.

If this episode touched you in some way, come find me on IG and let me know. I would love to hear your story!

One of my daughter's greatest gifts and also the thing that has been so triggering is her ability to be honest about her experience. I pray more women can cultivate this gift. So, this month's breathwork journey is all about reclaiming your voice. You can get access to that here.


Let's Connect.

Free guide: 5 ways to find Calm: Get the guide here
Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here



Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Send us a Text Message.

In today's episode I am doing something I have never done before. Every year I write my kid's a letter on their birthday, and this year I am sharing parts of one of the letters with you. My purpose is to maintain my daughter's privacy, but to also let you all see how the people in your life that trigger you the most can also be your greatest gift. Learning to relate and show up well for her, has shown me so many areas in which I still get to grow and heal. She is the perfect match for me as a mom, and for that I am so grateful.

You are going to want to grab your tissues for this one. I hope it touches you in a powerful way. Even if you don't have a daughter imagine this letter is being written for the people in your life that cause you unease and discomfort. Ask yourself, "What is this person teaching me ABOUT ME?". Relationships are incredible mirrors for us if we are willing to see them that way.

If this episode touched you in some way, come find me on IG and let me know. I would love to hear your story!

One of my daughter's greatest gifts and also the thing that has been so triggering is her ability to be honest about her experience. I pray more women can cultivate this gift. So, this month's breathwork journey is all about reclaiming your voice. You can get access to that here.


Let's Connect.

Free guide: 5 ways to find Calm: Get the guide here
Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here



Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome back to another solo episode on Wake Up and Thrive. I'm really excited. I've never done anything like this before, but I so this week in my family, from March 30th to April 6th, three out of four of my kids have a birthday. I guess you can just say my husband and I are very patriotic if you do the math backwards. But every year I write my kids a letter and the letter is just recounting the year, some of my favorite moments, some big lessons, words of wisdom, and I give it to them on their high school graduation. So I got to. I didn't write a letter this year to my oldest son, but I got to give him his gift when he graduated from high school and it was really, really cool. It made me super motivated to keep it up for my other kids because it was a really special moment for the two of us.

Speaker 1:

So here I am sitting down writing my birthday letters for my new eight-year-old, and then I come to my daughter, and she is 14 years old in a family of four. Three of them are boys, one girl and she is the most different than all of my boys. A lot of my boys are very much like me and so I respond a lot easier to them. Right, I can read them, I can understand them, and so I was sitting down writing this letter to my daughter and I just I don't know I felt very called to share it, and so, of course, I'm not. I'm taking out some of the personal stuff about her life and her friendships and I will reserve that just for her, but the bulk of the letter is me thanking her for who she is. I might cry as I say this, because I spent a lot of my time telling her why she's wrong and who she is is bad, and what I ultimately got to from writing this letter was that that was all a projection of the parts of me that I feel are wrong or bad, and she's such a gift to me, she's such a gift to everybody that knows her. She's an incredible, incredible young lady.

Speaker 1:

But I want to share this letter and I want you, as you listen to me, read the letter, I want you to think of somebody in your life that triggers the crap out of you, that you constantly have this story running in your head that they're wrong, the way they're showing up is bad. They need to change this and it's driving you crazy. Maybe you've exhausted all efforts to try to control them or change them, and then maybe you found yourself in a similar position to me, where it's like I can't change them. I can't change who they are, so now what do I do? How do I have a relationship with them? I want you to think of this letter in regards to that person, as I share vulnerably who she is and what I'm learning about her me myself through her, through her showing up exactly as God created her. So pop in those earbuds, grab some tissues and let's dive in.

Speaker 1:

Hi, my name is Bridget and this is my podcast, wake Up and Thrive. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned, into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind. So if you're ready, it's time. It's time to wake up and thrive.

Speaker 1:

To my favorite and only daughter, I want to thank you for being unapologetically you. In doing so, you have reflected back parts of myself that either I don't like or I actually desire more of. For example, you have no reservations about being honest. Since the day you could talk, you have learned to say what is on your mind from a place of deep, sometimes brutal, honesty. You have no problem saying no or that you don't like something.

Speaker 1:

As your mom, I notice how much this triggers me. I remember as a kid telling you that you need to just be grateful, even if someone is giving or doing something you don't like. Excuse me, but I want to retract that lesson completely, because I realize now that if I continue to trying to instill this in you, that I am further encouraging you to disconnect from your truth. I love that you know what you like and what you don't. Why do I think it's my job to change that instead of celebrate that, knowing I noticed that a running story in my mind about you, especially as you get into these teenage years, is that you are rude and ungrateful when the reality is. When I lay down my story and really listen to your words, you're just being honest about what is true for you, what you need, what you desire, what you don't like, what you like, and I love that about you. Compared to a lot of my relationships, it's actually quite refreshing even though equally as triggering to be on the receiving end of such honesty. But what I'm learning is that those triggers are mine to own.

Speaker 1:

You continue to show me all the ways I contort to make the people around me comfortable. This is why I'm so triggered when you say something that either makes me or someone else in the room notably uncomfortable. I don't mean to say you shouldn't care about other people, because of course you could. Of course you should, and even though I don't give you credit, I know you do care deeply about the people in your life. But caring shouldn't come at the expense of you watering down your opinion just so other people can digest it. You also continuously reflect to me that there's still a part of myself that desperately needs to see other people's excitement on their face, in their expression, in order for me to gauge if I'm doing the right thing. God knew this was my challenge. God knew this was my challenge. He knew this was my struggle and this is why he gave me a daughter that literally was born with a resting bitch face.

Speaker 1:

The most expressive moments in your life are only when you are on stage. In normal everyday you are pretty non-expressive, which for me, makes it really hard to read. Let me reiterate you are not hard to read. I struggle to understand you because I rely on outward expressions of joy and excitement through other people's words of affirmations and even just a giant smile. But why do I rely on that? I rely on it to make me feel better. But why do I rely on that? I rely on it to make me feel better.

Speaker 1:

I've been working so hard the last few years to come back into alignment with what is true for me and not look for outside validation. This has been a pattern I'm still unlearning to this day, and yet every time you open a gift or you finish a dance competition and your facial expression is pretty muted, I notice my tendency is to make you wrong when the truth is. I am believing in those moments that I am wrong or that I have messed up, that I got the wrong gift, that I showed up at the wrong dance, that I invited too many people, that I didn't invite enough people, all based on your expression or lack thereof. Why do you need to fake a smile just so I feel appreciated? Isn't the gift or the fact that we're showing up for you, for you? So why do I expect something from you? It's just a question I've been sitting with lately.

Speaker 1:

I know society tells us to teach our kids to say thank you and smile at strangers. I'm not discounting this, but I'm asking you to ask yourself why. What am I really teaching you by having that be my focus? Because when I really break it down, I am subconsciously teaching you that other people's feelings matter more than your own desires or needs or likes or dislikes, than your own truth. I don't want to teach you that. I work with grown adult women trying to undo this conditioning that other people's needs come above, or should come above your own. I refuse to be the one instilling that wounding in you. Now don't get me wrong. As your mom, I want to teach you basic relationship 101 skills, like saying thank you when someone does something nice or gives you a gift, but I do not want to be in control about what your thank you looks like or sounds like.

Speaker 1:

This is where many of us get it wrong. We blame and we shame those in our life because of the way they show up right the way they show up. It has an impact on us, and so, instead of getting to the root of the impact from a place of ownership and curiosity, we just do what we can to make sure the other person shows up in a way that feels good for us, and I am so, so grateful. You, my girl, don't let me do that. You tell me on the regular. I need to chill. I need to stop being so sensitive, and while I don't ever want you to apologize for who you are, I can't apologize for who I am either. What I can do is continue to learn who you are and continue to share and own who I am.

Speaker 1:

I pray every day we can honor the differences and see the differences, especially the triggering parts of us, as a gift. Just as I'm teaching you to soften, you are teaching me not to take everything personal, just as I'm teaching you to notice the experiences of the people around you. You are teaching me to own my own. Just as I am teaching you to notice what other people need to feel loved, you are teaching me that everyone's needs are different and that's okay. I hope I can continue to teach you to feel and express emotions, especially as you enter this next season of life.

Speaker 1:

But I'm also really grateful to have a daughter. That reminds me there's more to life than how I'm feeling in the moment. This is huge for me because so much of my personal and professional life is wrapped up in people's emotional experiences. Personal and professional life is wrapped up in people's emotional experiences. But sometimes it's just nice to take out the coloring book, take out the craft, play the game, laugh at the TV show and not always have to dig for the root of everything and just live your life.

Speaker 1:

You, my precious girl, remind me every day to just live life. So thank you. Thank you for challenging me, thank you for being difficult to control, thank you mostly for being you. In doing so, you are giving me permission to really get back to being me. I will love you till the day I die, and forevermore. I know I'm going to be the source of some of your pain and for that I'm so sorry, and yet I know there's a gift in there for you. My biggest prayer, above anything else, above trying to be the perfect mom, trying to figure you out, is that at the end of the day, you know how deeply loved you are by me. That wraps up this episode today. I hope you learned something new and or are able to take away a fresh perspective to apply to the moments in your life. Remember to rate the podcast, share it with someone you love or leave a review. I'm always grateful for your time and I'm always rooting for you to wake up and thrive. I'll see you guys next week.

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