Wake up and Thrive

EP 78- Unmasking Your Masculine Shield

January 29, 2024 Bridget Covill
Wake up and Thrive
EP 78- Unmasking Your Masculine Shield
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever felt like you were masking your true self behind a fortress of toughness? Do you struggle to soften and share your heart?  This episode peels back the layers of the 'masculine shield' that many of us construct, sometimes without even realizing it.

Learning about feminine and masculine energy is so important to truly feel balanced in your life. However, dismissing or disliking one energy is not the way to embrace the other. True balance comes from uncovering the blocks or shields you carry that prevent you from accessing both energies. Until you have this awareness, learning to dance between the masculine (doing) and feminine (being) energy will be really hard.

In today's episode, I dive into a heart-to-heart about the intricate dance between feminine and masculine energies, sharing my own revelations from recent life events, like the act of moving houses, that prompted a deeper understanding of this balance.  We're not just talking concepts here; I bring to light the tangible signs of imbalance, such as burnout and relentless mental noise, and how they can disrupt our connection to our softer, intuitive side. Tune in for a very important question you can reflect on before trying to get into your feminine energy.

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Speaker 1:

Hi, my name is Bridget and this is my podcast, wake Up and Thrive. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind. So if you're ready, it's time. It's time to wake up and thrive. Hi, welcome back to Wake Up and Thrive. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for those of you that listened and received my message from last week and reached out and said totally, been there, totally get it. I really, really value authenticity, transparency and vulnerability, and I like to bring what's currently alive for me to the podcast Because, as I do that every time I do that every time I step into kind of a scary share or oh, I hope they're not like sick of hearing I wanted to quit right. Whatever is alive for me when I can really lean into that, it's amazing the response that I get. So thank you, thank you, thank you. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, I would go back and listen. It's about my journey in the podcasting world, but more than anything, it's really about all of our journeys in life, especially when it gets hard and we want to just give up. So make sure you go back and listen to that episode, make sure you rate it or leave a review if it really resonated or, even better, share it. Share it with a friend or family, share it on social media and tag me so I can say hello and give you a shout out. And yeah, with that, let's jump into this week's topic. I am currently leading my group program, let Love In, and it's just. The more and more I talk about feminine energy, the more and more I teach women how to connect to their feminine energy, the more and more I become passionate about this topic because I see how needed it is. One of the unique aspects that I like to teach is not just what is it right Like? We don't need more information, we need to learn how to actually embody this. How do you soften, how do you open right to your husband, to your partner, to life, to your kids? How do we nurture them Somatically? How do we get into our nurturing energy on a somatic, cellular level? It's so, so important, and what I have found in another unique way that I teach it is I don't teach you to hate your masculine energy. That's a really big part of this and it's a really big part of what I see being taught in the coaching space. And it's not right because it creates shame, it puts us into a shame spiral and we end up embracing feminine energy from a very wounded place, right From this place of we should be relaxing more, we should be flowing with life. It's like no. So what I am growing more and more passionate about is teaching women how to connect to their feminine energy, first of all, in very practical ways, very simple ways, also, without compromising the part of you that does like to achieve and do and go and be in your masculine energy. So today's episode is all about we are going to address the first part. If you've been listening to, you know I've talked about feminine energy quite a bit on here. If it's peaking your interest, if you're sort of curious, this is a really good place to start because oftentimes, when you want to embrace more of your feminine energy, it is because you are experiencing burnout, overwhelm, stress from being locked and stuck in your masculine energy and what happens again. What today's episode is about is we can create a masculine shield, or you know another way to say. It is using our masculine energy as a source of protection versus a true desire to to be in that energy, if that makes sense. So I wanna talk about the masculine shield today. I wanna talk about what is it, how it might show up in your life, and then a powerful question that you can ask to start to shift this. And yeah, I think it's gonna really, really serve you. So grab a piece of paper, if you have it, if you're driving, come back and take notes or just listen to which of these really stands out to you. So if you are a woman, a feminine being, and you are experiencing burnout, stress, overwhelm, you feel like your nervous system is constantly on. Maybe you're experiencing a lot of ruminating thoughts, you are stuck in your head, you can't turn your mind off. These are all signs that that energy is going from the neck up. We are stuck in the masculine energy and again I wanna highlight masculine energy is necessary. It's a beautiful part of us. It's how we get shit done. We need that. But the first ask piece is to really understand why you're more comfortable in your masculine or your doing energy, because without this understanding you're gonna end up just judging and shaming yourself into being or showing up in an energy that, quite honestly, your body doesn't feel safe to be in, and that's the biggest mistake I see a lot of people doing when they start to learn this work. So, without judgment, we first need to explore and notice when in your life you feel the need versus the true desire to be in your masculine Meaning right, like in my life personally, there are times where I want to be in my masculine. My family just went through a move. I've talked about it before. I think we're three months now into our new house and when I look back at that moving process I mean I was heavy in my masculine and it was so necessary and needed. There was a lot of moving parts. There was a lot of organization that needed to happen, a lot of structure that I needed to create and then, even when we moved into our house, a lot of new routines again structure. So I was heavy in my masculine energy and in the beginning it was really really good. I wanted to be there. Once we got into the new house, I noticed this need to still be in the energy, this need to still be on all the time organizing, doing all the things, and I had to really catch myself and just tune in, like is my body actually wanting to be in this energy? Is it feeling alive as I'm doing this, or am I feeling tired? Am I feeling burnt out? Am I feeling out of balance? Right, that's a really big key that you're not able to fluidly dance between the energies, which is the goal. So, again, within my program, let Love In, like that's one of the first things we do is explore the stories that we are clinging to that are keeping us in our masculine Cause. It's almost always or I'm sorry, let me say it this way when you are showing up out of a false illusion of need versus a true desire. Okay, so I'm gonna say it again really slowly when your masculine energy, the energy in which you're showing up in, when it's fueled by safety, and that could look like if I don't do it, nothing will get done, if I don't take care of this, he won't do it completely, or he'll drop the ball, or I'm trying to think of lots of other examples where I have been stuck in my masculine energy and refusing to let my husband specifically really take over, it's almost always fueled by a false illusion. It's fueled by a story of safety that I've created in my mind. It's not. It's not rooted in truth, it's not rooted in desire Okay, and when it's received as a need to survive, that's really hard to turn off and it's because we're stuck, it's because we haven't learned the art of A first of all noticing right, like when we're in our masculine energy out of protection, so when we're operating from a masculine shield versus intentionally desiring to be in our masculine energy, and nobody can tell you, you know what that looks like for you or how often you should show up in that energy. Everyone's different, I know. For me, I mean, talking about the move is just a really good example, as we were moving throughout the process. I loved it. I was, my husband was working full-time. You know I was available to do all of this and it was amazing. But, like I said, once we got into the new house, I absolutely had to have a wake-up call because I remembered why this work is so powerful. I mean, there was just so many things, relationally physically, that I experienced after the move because I was stuck in my masculine energy. I was showing up out of need versus desire. So start there. Start and get really, really curious. Just notice, like, what signals your body tells you when it feels out of balance, when you are stuck in the head, like, what does that look like for you? Okay, and now? So that again, you need to really start with self-inquiry. Start and get really, really curious, without judgment, with nothing but compassion. Just observe, observe your data's day, observe the way that you manage your life, your work, your health, your relationship, the way you show up with your kids. Where are you showing up in the masculine energy? And it's not, first of all, giving you the results that you want, but secondly, your body's not enjoying it. It's not enjoying that experience. That's a really key indicator that you're stuck, that you're operating out of a shield. So let me give you some other examples of masculine shields and what I have witnessed from my own clients and then from my own life. So, number one you show up with hyperindependence, so you have to be in control. So where or with whom in your life do you carry the shield? Where do you show up heavy in your masculine out of protection, not in tension, meaning you feel that you have to control. Right, you have to be in control, like we talked about earlier, or no, nothing will get done, or the other shoe will drop or something bad will happen that puts you into a state of fight, flight or freeze and eventually, eventually, your body will break down because of that. So hyperindependence. Number two is hypervigilance. So when is that other shoe gonna drop? You know, for me, hypervigilance showed up in my own home as far as, like, making sure the house was locked. It was, and if you follow me on Instagram, I am going to share a video of like. It's a false illusion and I've talked about this before. It's locking the doors is a false illusion of safety and we operate out of false illusions all the time, but it's this height. You know what it feels like to be hyper vigilant. If you experience that, you know what I'm talking about. It's like this pit in your stomach or this weight on your chest that just will not go away and no matter what you do. And number three, really obvious you're more comfortable doing than being. It's hard for you to relax, right? You might have perfectionist tendencies. Or maybe you've done some inner work and you know that achievement is really tied to your worth. Your work is tied to your worth. These are all different ways that the masculine shield can show up. Number four is you're disconnected from your intuition. So you seek a lot of outside validation. Or maybe you're someone that loves to shop your story, loves to talk about it, but you're not actually. You're not actually feeling and releasing the experience through your body. You're stuck in the head, right, that's, that's, that's that. That that goes hand in hand with being disconnected from your intuition. Number five you're more comfortable meeting other people's needs versus your own. Meeting is very masculine, receiving is very feminine. It's very vulnerable. It's very much, you're very much exposed when you're receiving. So if you are a giver and a doer and a let me take care of other people's needs at the expense of my own. You are operating out of a masculine shield, meaning you're using that energy as a protection, as a form of protection. Number six you're very rigid and closed off. So you have all these routines. You thrive with structure, but, if I preach this to my boys all the time, routines are amazing and flexibility is even more amazing, because life is flexible, life is not always, life is never certain, life is never follow a rulebook, right, it's not linear. Growth is not linear. Healing is not linear. So being able to flow and being able to not necessarily like what's coming up or what's alive, but being able to see it, being able to allow it to pass through you, being in your feminine energy, means that we allow life to flow through us, all of it. Number seven is you find yourself cold or keeping people at a distance. You struggle with vulnerability or opening up to people. This is a big one. This is this is a big one, for I know a lot of you guys. Number eight you're consumed by mom guilt. So mom guilt says that I don't trust that my needs get to be met, and so when there's mom guilt, there's absolutely a level of protection. There's a lot of protection going on. Mom guilt is 100% tied to your worth, tied to your, your own connection with your body, with your feminine energy, with your needs, with your desires. So if you're stuck in mom guilt, this is a another layer of the masculine shield that you get to, you get to look at and you get to work on shedding. Number nine you're in charge of when intimacy occurs. So he may be the one with the higher drive, but you are controlling how frequent it takes place and this could look like. You know, maybe you flinch when he touches you, maybe you, maybe you just reject and say no, a lot. That was me for years. But you, you are really in the driver's seat when it comes to this. You're in the driver's seat of not just when intimacy occurs but what it looks like, and there's no real, there's no real space for him to really take charge, lead or for him to express his own needs in that manner. Number 10, you experience tenseness in the body. Right, this is one of the most notable signs of burnout and oftentimes, when we experience tenseness in the body, that is after years and years of your body trying to send you signals. Okay, we don't just wake up one day and we're experiencing pain or disease. It is us walking around disconnected from our body. So if you experience tenseness in the body, let that be an indication that you are most likely disconnected from feminine energy, from your intuition, from your heart, from your body, from all of it. Because the tenseness is the last line, right, it's the most extreme way that your body tries to get a message to you and it is also the first notable sign of burnout. So if you're experiencing that, again, no judgment, but it's just awareness. It's can you bring awareness? Wow, like there. Maybe there's a specific area in your life that you know you show up with this masculine shield. Maybe there's a certain relationship, maybe it's all across the board, right. Maybe you're experiencing all of these, maybe you're experiencing some of these. Maybe for you, you're like I'm actually not experiencing a lot of these. I do a really good job resting and relaxing. I don't have mom guilt and that's amazing. I think that's absolutely amazing. But what it's really about is understanding those times in your life where you are operating again out of a false illusion of protection versus a conscious, intentional choice of showing up in the masculine energy. And yeah, yeah, so that is what the masculine shield is. Those are some ways it can show up. And now I really wanna end with just a powerful question that you can ask yourself, depending on which one, once you can really bring deep awareness to specifically where in your life you show up with the shield, but also how it shows up, then ask yourself what are you afraid will happen if you put down your masculine shield? So what are you afraid will happen if you show up in vulnerability? What are you afraid will happen if you let go of your routine, if you let go of the schedule? What are you afraid will happen if you take time to relax, rest, slow down, be? What are you afraid will happen if you're not in control? So when you can really understand the fear that's driving this masculine shield, that's driving your inability to turn it off, your inability to slow down, be in the being energy right, be in the receiving energy, being vulnerable, flowing with life, when you can understand and bring to light the fear, it's going to be such a powerful way for you to disarm the shield, if that makes any sense. It's gonna be way easier for you to feel safe enough to show up in feminine energy, which I believe many of us are yearning for. We are desiring more of that energy in our life. And you have to start here, start here, see it with compassion and curiosity and from there ask yourself this question what am I afraid of? Use that fear to really help you start to rewrite that story in your mind, but also on a somatic level. And so, yeah, that's what I have for you guys today. I do wanna offer you, as we're talking about somatically shifting your energy I wanna invite you guys to my monthly breathwork class. It's only $27,. You can click the link in the show notes and get registered and come join us. It's this Sunday at 4 pm, eastern Standard Time and you can actually start to shed some of those layers of protection, start to shed some of those areas that you those lies right, those limiting stories that we've been believing, that do not just live in our mind. They live in the way that we show up, they live in our posture, they live in the way we carry our body and they live in the energy in which we feel safe enough to show up. So, the more that you do tools like breathwork this is one of, personally, one of my favorite modalities, but any somatic tool the more that you can learn to connect to your body, the more that you're gonna feel safe for showing up in this energy. So if you're listening and you're curious, you can message me back and ask any questions, but I strongly, strongly, strongly wanna invite you to lean into that, that nudge, lean into that curiosity, get registered today and come and breathe with me. So I'll see you guys next week. Hope you have a great week. That wraps up this episode today. I hope you learned something new and or are able to take away a fresh perspective to apply to the moments in your life. Remember to rate the podcast, share it with someone you love or leave a review. I'm always grateful for your time and I'm always rooting for you to wake up and thrive. I'll see you guys next week.

Embracing Feminine Energy
Masculine Shield
Invitation to Join and Learn