Wake up and Thrive

EP 76- Five Practical Tools to FEEL More Love

January 22, 2024
Wake up and Thrive
EP 76- Five Practical Tools to FEEL More Love
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

The other day, someone asked what I do, and I responded, " I help women fall back in love with their lives and the people in it".  She smiled and simply asked " How?". Her question sent me into a deep reflection on my own journey back to love. My journey was not linear at all, and it actually took years into my sobriety to finally feel the love that I was craving. As I reflect on the tools that worked for me and the hundreds of women I have coached, I clearly see five crucial steps that will create more of a connection to love in your life. I am sharing all of them in this week's episode. 

If you are someone that knows she has a good life, but you don't feel in love with it, then this episode is for you. I truly believe the whole purpose of having a human experience is to intentionally come back to love. My intention in this week's episode is to help guide you back into the truth of who you are!

I also want to invite any of you listening who want to clear out any junk in your body blocking you from love to come to my virtual breathwork class this Sunday, January 28th @4:00pm EST. Register here

Let's Connect.

Wait List for my monthly virtual breathwork classes: Register here
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Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here

Speaker 1:

Hi, my name is Bridget and this is my podcast, wake Up and Thrive. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind, so if you're ready, it's time to wake up and thrive. Hi, good morning, welcome back to Wake Up and Thrive, or good afternoon whenever you're tuning in, so happy to be back with you guys. I actually had a whole other episode recorded. It's all about the masculine shield that we carry, and I know that you guys have been asking for some more information on polarity and masculine and feminine energy, and so I'm going to get that out there to you guys. But, however, I was recently asked by someone. I was getting my hair done and someone was asking what do I do? And I proudly responded oh yeah, I help women create a life and relationship that they love, like you know, very nonchalantly, and she's kind of stopped in her tracks and was like, oh my gosh, that's awesome, how do you do that? And so I sat there for a moment in the chair and was reflecting on what is the process that I take women through right or, more importantly, like, what's the process I took myself through in order to get to the place that I'm at now, which is full of life, full of energy, full of presence, full of love, full of gratitude, like just, I don't know, I just not. So, not a lot about my life has changed. I mean, we have recently moved, as you guys have been following. If you guys have been following my journey, we have recently moved. So that is changed. But even at the old house, even in the middle of you know really hard environment for me to be in, I still was able to access love. I was able to really genuinely say I actually enjoy my life today, and it wasn't always like that right, in fact, I would say, the first two and a half years of sobriety it absolutely was not like that. I was just, you know, I was happy to be sober, I was happy to be clearheaded, but I still wasn't really like feeling lit up, you know. And so that's like the whole mission of find her wild coaching is to help women create a life that wildly turns them on. But I just thought it was really interesting to sit and think about. You know, how do you get there? How did I get there? And so that's what I want to talk about today, and I came up with, as I was thinking about it, five things, five steps that I took to really help me be in this position that I'm at now in my life. And before we dive into those, I want to just paint the picture for what life used to be like so that, for you guys, maybe, as you're listening, you can relate a little bit. Maybe you can't, maybe you're going to hear this and be like, oh my gosh, bridget, you were terrible. But I have a hunch that some of you guys listening can really, really relate. And if you do continue to listen, because I think these five steps will be incredibly helpful for you. So the best way I can describe me, bridget, disconnected from love, is when I think back over the first decade of my marriage. Every single holiday my birthday, mother's Day, christmas, my kids' birthdays there was a holiday. This is how I showed up. It honestly became another opportunity for me to be disappointed, right? Because with the holiday brought a lot of high expectations which, by the way, I never communicated. I just held on to these expectations as fuel for the state of being that I was more comfortable being in. I was more comfortable being in my head. I was more comfortable focusing on what was lacking. Right, I was more comfortable withdrawing versus being really open and vulnerable about what was actually alive for me. I was more comfortable blaming our financial situation where we lived, right, like we used to live in the Midwest. And God, I just think back to. You know I have so much compassion for who I was back then, but I mean truly she was. That version of me was miserable. I was miserable, miserable. And it wasn't because of where I lived, it wasn't because of anything outside of me. It was because I was lacking all five of these aspects that I'm going to talk to you about today. But a holiday, would you know? And I recently talked to my husband about this and he agrees, he said holidays for him were so hard because he felt like he had to walk on eggshells. He knew that the expectations were high. He also knew they were not realistic. They were not realistic. Well, first of all he didn't really know what the expectation was, because I wasn't communicating it, but they just weren't realistic and so holidays were hard for him. They were really hard for anybody to be around me. I just I ruined the whole day. And you know, I would ruin the days after that because I would kind of spiral. Once I got in a mood, once I felt let down or disappointed, and still and couldn't communicate that right, like today, when I feel disappointed or let down, it becomes such a especially in my marriage, it becomes such a source of connection for us both because I know how to bring it forward to him without this blame shame game that I used to play. So I would ruin, I would wake up, I would have expectations, wouldn't communicate them, would literally walk around pouting like, honestly, wasn't focused on what was good, wasn't focused on you know, my kid's handmade cards, or the fact that my husband let me sleep in an extra half hour, like I wasn't focused on any of that. I wanted some big, grandiose gesture to just show, to prove to me that I was important, because inside I was so disconnected from love, I was so disconnected from loving myself, so of course I wasn't able to love my life and the people around me. And, yeah, so days afterwards I would still be kind of spiraling and then eventually the guilt would eat me up, I would apologize and I would just go back to, you know, surviving my day. You know, I wasn't mad, I wasn't grumpy, but I was just surviving my day until the next holiday rolled around and then it was like all over again. And I share that really transparently, because I actually know a lot of you guys feel that way. I know that there's so much expectations for how your life should look, how it should feel, how your marriage should feel, how motherhood should feel, and many of us were disconnected from the truth of what life is all about. And I strongly, strongly believe the entire point of being here on earth and having a human experience is so that we can go through our own unique experience right, our own unique, shedding all the layers that don't matter, so that we can return to love, like that really is the whole point of our experience. And once you get it, once you not just cognitively understand it, but once you let love lead, every decision that you make, every yes, that you give, every no, that you give everything, once you let love lead, everything opens up, like things open up relationships are healed, anxiety is healed, depression is healed. You become present for your life, you start enjoying motherhood, motherhood, guilt goes away and abundance it just comes flowing in. And so, yeah, I am on this mission. I'm not sitting over here saying my life is perfect and I feel so lucky. I'm one of the lucky ones and maybe someday you'll get to have a great life too, and then you'll feel love. No, I'm sitting here talking to you. I want to talk to the woman who can relate to my story. I want to talk to the woman who is waking up in your head. You know you have a good life, but you don't feel it, and I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad person, you are not dramatic, you are not manipulative, you are not broken. You live in a society that doesn't teach us how to come back into the present moment and into love and to truly, truly enjoy our life. So that is my really long-winded intro, but I think it was really important for me to sort of paint that picture of where I was in a very tangible way, like there was nothing majorly wrong. I was just disconnected from love, and I know so many of you guys are doing the same thing. You're walking around, going through the motions in motherhood, at work, in your marriage, in your business, but you're not actually connected to love when you're doing it, which is leading to so many issues. So how do we connect back to love? Let me give you five really important parts of my own journey, and it is what I teach clients to do and it is the work that will change you. So if you're not driving, make sure you bring out a piece of paper and write these down. Here we go, and some of these you're going to be like none of these are new. These are not new concepts. These are not concepts that I made up, but truly, when I think about how do I help women come back into love, how do I help women enjoy their life. These are the five tools that you have to have in your tool belt in order to start to move that needle. Okay, so the first one and I have said this so many times, so many times so it has to be first. The first one is you have to be in your body, you have to be connected to your body and if you don't know what this means, go binge listen to all of my previous episodes, because I talk about it almost every time because it's that important. If you are just reading the books, talking to the therapist or the coach, you know you're consuming, but you're not actually implementing, you're not actually taking time to clear out the junk in your body, release and express the stagnant energy and the trauma that is building up in your tissues. I recently heard I was on a podcast. I've heard this before, but it just it has to be said the issue is in the tissues and for many of you guys, you think the issue is either outside of you or it's in your head. The issues in the tissues, it's in your body. So before you can actually feel safe enough to be in your body, you need to find a somatic coach I am one shameless plug or, you know, find a tool that works. Another shameless plug come to my breathwork. This is one of the best ways to be in your body for an extended period of time. And again I'm creating, I'm working in the back end to create a free guide for all of you who struggle with overthinking and can't get out of your head because there are certain steps that you need to take. I remember when I first heard this concept of be in your body, I was like what I am in my body. So I know the term. I know it feels a little like elusive and it's not very clear. How do you get in your body? But I want to just put that out there as the very first step. If you want to start enjoying your life, if you want to connect back to love, you have to be in your body. Love is a feeling. It is not something we think about. Right, and that was again speaking just of my marriage like that was my biggest disconnect. I will never forget being at the retreat, my marriage retreat with Paul and looking at him and going. I know you love me Like. I know this. I don't have a doubt in my mind that you love me. I don't feel it Like. I don't look at you and feel love. I don't even know what that means, and what I realize now is it's not because of everything he was lacking or what things he wasn't doing or wasn't saying, it was because I was disconnected from my body. So there was no way I could feel anything. Right, I was sober, but I was still very much numb and disconnected from my body. So first one is you have to learn to get into your body. And number two only when you are in your body can you actually be present. Right, love is found in the present moment. It is not found by ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. Right, we know this Anxiety means that our mind is in the past and the future. Love, true love and enjoyment means that we are actually in the present moment. And you've heard me describe it before. Being present means that your mind is where your body is. So you are in your body, you are learning to slow down, you are noticing the details of your life. Right, You're using your senses and that's how you start to access and connect to love. So that's number two learning to really be present. Number three is let go of any story that doesn't bring you closer to love. The more I dive deeper into this embodiment work and my own journey of coming back to love, the more I realize how much of what we focus on it just doesn't freaking matter. It doesn't matter I can't highlight that enough but it doesn't matter Any single story that brings you away from love. It is a bullshit lie, and I know that feels like a really bold and overgeneralized statement, but I promise you, I promise you oh my gosh, I promise you. It is so true. If at the end of your life you didn't accomplish a six-figure business or whatever, you didn't write the book or start the podcast or I don't know I'm trying to think of something in motherhood, you didn't bake with your kids or take the trip you wanted to, but if you were able to feel, feel love in your body right, so you were in your body, you were in the present moment then I promise you you will consider your life a success, because nothing else matters, nothing else matters. And so often when we're stuck in the story, where are we? We're in our head, where is love? Love is in our body. So again, if you're like yes, yes, I want this stay in my community. Come back and listen next week, get on my email list because I have a really powerful tool for you that I think will help break down some of these big concepts I'm talking about. How do I actually let go of my story, right? Way easier said than done. Trust me. I know you guys have heard me say this before, but I'll say it again for any new listeners. There was one point where I was working with a mindset coach and I was believing the story that was not not bringing me closer to love, it was related to friendships. And I remember saying to her if I could let go of this story, I would. But I feel like it's attached to my bones, right, and what I really meant was it was, it was trauma in my tissues, and so if you want to let go of the story, you have to be in your body. You have to be in your body because the story creates an experience in our subconscious and our body is our subconscious mind. So the more you work with the body, I promise you you will start to let go of the story. Okay, and one of the another really powerful way to let go of any story is just to question it. I don't feel like it's bringing you closer to love, like, for example, in your marriage. Let's say you have a story that your husband's not present and you have a lot of evidence and a lot of truth about that story. Right? If it's not bringing you closer to love, if it's creating the disconnection, then question it, just simply question it. Because one of my favorite authors, byron Katie, says I don't let go of my thoughts. Right, I don't let go of my stories. I question it and it let go, it lets go of me. So those are two things you can work on embodiment tools Again, guide is coming out for you guys or you can really just start to poke holes at your story and it will slowly. Over time you'll see that it's a story, because the reason many of us can't let go of these stories is because we don't see it as a story, we see it as truth. But anything that doesn't bring you closer to love, it's not truth, it's not. So that was number three. Let go of any story that doesn't bring you closer to love. Number four cultivate a gratitude practice. So love, love is the most abundant and powerful life force, energy you will ever feel running through your body, and a really simple and powerful way to do that is to build and cultivate a gratitude practice. Right, and I have said this before but I'll say it again, love is energy. Love is not something that we have to create or go out and find. It is something that we have to remember. It is something that we have to put our attention on notice. Right, that's how it grows. It doesn't come from people doing and saying the right things or from us having the perfect job or a successful launch or the perfect marriage. It comes from within. It comes from using our senses, using our body to notice the details of our life. And love is abundant, it is always available. But in the society that we live in, many of our schedules are GM packed. We're constantly on the go, constantly in our head, we're not in the present moment and we lose sight of it. We lose sight of what's important. And when we focus on what is lacking, we will never feel love. And I want you guys to write this down, if you take anything away from this podcast Love is not found in the lack. When your focus is on the lack, you will never feel the powerful life force, energy that love can bring you can't. I think it's designed that way. I really do. And for me, again having so much compassion for how I used to show up, specifically on holidays but I showed up this way a lot in my life. I was always focused on those unmet expectations. I was focused on what was lacking, on how my husband was lacking, on how my kids were lacking. And, again, so much compassion for her because I needed her in order for me to be where I am today. But if I could go back and just hug her and look at her, I would just remind her and say I know what you're after. I know you're trying to feel the love. You're trying to feel the love on your birthday and Mother's Day. You want to be reminded of how much your love, how important you are. It's not found in the lack. That's not where it's found. So as you build gratitude for the little things in your day to day, know that you are reconnecting with love. Love is in the details of your life. It's in the abundance that is already around you. And so create a practice my family and I just now I created. I took a little dry erase board. We have a gratitude wall as you're going outside, and I erase it every week and then we fill it back up, but it's filled with little things and I put it up and everyone laughed at me and they were like I'm not going to write on it. And I'll be honest, I definitely write on it the most. But I have watched my seven year old go pull up a stool and write when something good happened, like he had a play date with a friend or he woke up and it was a snow day. And I'm teaching them this gratitude practice, not because the experts say to do it, not because it's you know, I don't know, it's just good to be grateful, it's because it literally. It literally brings more love into your body and that's the reason we're here. It connects you back to life, to love is life, love is life force, energy and gratitude is a great tool to get back to it. So create a gratitude practice. And then another just idea I'll throw out there. My husband and I, we stole this from my mom and her sisters. They do this every day, but we started just sending you know a little. Hey, I'm grateful for this. It was little things that he did in the last 24 hours Like. One example is he got up early and I was able to sleep in and he didn't turn on the lights. I'm so grateful you didn't turn on the lights, babe, because I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn. It's little things. Start to train your mind to look for what's there, to look for what is present. Right, it will keep you in the present. What's in the present? Love. Are you guys catching on? I hope. I hope you're seeing that these all sort of go together. And then the very last thing is find what lights you up and do more of that. And I know it sounds so simple. I really do, but the truth is most of you are not doing that. Most of us are filling our days with things that we think we should be doing because it's what Pinterest tells us to do, it's what Instagram highlight reels tells us to do, it's what the experts say. The books I'm telling you right now, close all of that down. None of it matters. What matters is you, when you start to get connected to your body, when you start to be more present in your life, when you can let go of any story that brings you away from love, when you start to cultivate and notice what is available right, be grateful for that you will find what lights you up. I promise you will start to feel it and you'll go oh my gosh, like I know for me. I've tried to create a workout routine. Oh my gosh, forever and ever and ever, I've been consistent for times and then other times I'm not. And what it always comes back to is, for me, is what is lighting me up? I want to move my body every day, but I personally choose to do it in a way that lights me up. I love to be in nature, I love to walk. I don't like to run. It's actually it's like hell on earth for me to try to run. So I stopped doing that. I let go of that. I started doing more of what lights me up. And guess what? It became a lot easier, a lot easier for me to show up for my commitments because I'm sprinkling in things in my day to day that I love. I love, not that you love, not that my mom loves, not that my husband loves, that I love. So what is it for you, what is it that lights you up? And do more of it, okay. So that's what I have for you guys this week. I'll do a quick recap. If you want to connect more to love, you have to learn tools to be in your body. If you want to connect more to love, you have to slow down and be a and learn how to be present. And it is a learning, or an unlearning, I should say. Learning how to get out of your head and actually be in your body will allow you to be present. Number three is letting go of any story that doesn't bring you closer to love and seeing that these stories are just lies, start to question them, start to poke holes in them. Number four is cultivate a gratitude practice, get creative about it. Gratitude will bring more love, will strengthen your connection to love. And the number five is find what lights you up and do more of that. And if you can really commit in 2024 to doing all five of these, I promise you by the end of the year you may not have kept up with all of your resolutions, but you will feel more connected to love and you'll be like that's actually all I was after this entire time, every single goal you have on your New Year's resolution, I promise you. If you break it down even more. It's ultimately because you want to feel love, you want to enjoy your life, so practice these fives, or five ones. Share this episode on Instagram. If there's one specifically you're working on, give me a shout out or tag me so I can give you a shout out and celebrate you. But really, really, I want to invite you guys to pick all five of these, pick one to really focus on and just watch. Watch how slowly, over time, you will actually start to feel better and you really haven't had to shift anything outside of you, which is the coolest part. And then, finally, before I let you guys go, I want to remind you to sign up for my monthly breathwork class, and it goes hand in hand with what I talked about on this podcast, because it's all about remembering the abundance within you. I think it's going to come at a perfect time. It's on January 28th at 4pm Eastern Standard Time. You can join in from your home and if you are a new listener and you're like, oh, I do breathwork, I promise you have not tried this breathwork, or maybe you have. It is a breathwork journey. It is going to be an hour long experience. We will be breathing for 25 minutes and you will feel more alive and connected to your body than you ever have. So come, breathe with me. Come, let me help you guide. Let me guide you back into your body, back into the present moment, so that you can really find that connection To love, the connection to the energy that you're seeking. So I want that for all of you and I would be honored to facilitate this for you. So click the link below, come, get registered. I am sending you guys an abundance of love and I hope you have a great week. I will see you next Monday.

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