This Holiday season, I have the best Christmas guide, ever! In today's episode I am giving you the exclusive list of ten things that women really want. I hold nothing back, and share vulnerably some of my own story, as well as recurring patterns I see in many of my clients. I hope if nothing else this episode brings you clarity and with deep understanding also compassion for what you really want!
Send this to your husband (don't worry guys, next week is all about you!) or even to a girlfriend who needs to remember that her desires are good. We sometimes just need help communicating them!
Remember to join my ongoing interest list for any future breathwork offerings. I cannot wait for each and everyone of you to try this modality and experience the power of release and full expression! You will leave feeling so safe and present in your body.
Join us here!
And finally if this episode resonated and you want to learn how to embody the last desire (softening and opening), then my newest group is FOR YOU! Join me inside ' Let Love In' ~ a 6 week group coaching program for married women. Check out the link for exclusive bonuses including breathwork. Check it out here
Let's Connect.
Free guide: 5 ways to find Calm: Get the guide here
Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here
This Holiday season, I have the best Christmas guide, ever! In today's episode I am giving you the exclusive list of ten things that women really want. I hold nothing back, and share vulnerably some of my own story, as well as recurring patterns I see in many of my clients. I hope if nothing else this episode brings you clarity and with deep understanding also compassion for what you really want!
Send this to your husband (don't worry guys, next week is all about you!) or even to a girlfriend who needs to remember that her desires are good. We sometimes just need help communicating them!
Remember to join my ongoing interest list for any future breathwork offerings. I cannot wait for each and everyone of you to try this modality and experience the power of release and full expression! You will leave feeling so safe and present in your body.
Join us here!
And finally if this episode resonated and you want to learn how to embody the last desire (softening and opening), then my newest group is FOR YOU! Join me inside ' Let Love In' ~ a 6 week group coaching program for married women. Check out the link for exclusive bonuses including breathwork. Check it out here
Let's Connect.
Free guide: 5 ways to find Calm: Get the guide here
Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here
Hello and welcome to Wake Up and Thrive. My name is Bridget and I'm your host. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same you can expect, to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind. So if you're ready, it's time. It's time to wake up and thrive. Hi, good morning, welcome back to Wake Up and Thrive.
Speaker 1:I am a few days out from hosting my first breathwork facilitator class or, I'm sorry. I facilitated a breathwork class for about there was 10 women live, or I'm sorry and we had a man, gav, shout out to you and they all showed up not knowing what to expect. Every single one of them had never gone through this type of journey, this type of breathwork, and by the end, well, first of all, I just felt so in my element, so on fire. For the past three years, I've been creating courses and programs and teaching, and while I still absolutely love that in fact, one of my group programs is opening for registration today Absolutely love that. That will always be a part of my life, and there is something so sacred about just gathering with like-minded souls, meaning people that really want to push through to their next level, that want to really release what's holding them back and just to create a space for people to express. There is nothing like it. From my standpoint and my vantage point. You can bring people from all different walks of life, people that have experienced, because so many of my groups I bring a lot of I don't want to say the same type of people, but a lot of people coming in searching for the same thing.
Speaker 1:The reason I love breathwork is because you can come in from all different experiences, all different journeys, all different stories and still get something out of it. And I want to just read a review because, in addition to that, you can also come in with a certain tension and end up receiving something completely off your radar, something you thought maybe you had healed or moved past. And breathwork is just so cool. It's just you never know what you're going to get when you show up, but it's going to be exactly what it is that you need. And yeah, I am just. I'm blown away by the response from my community, because I do know a lot of my community is new to this work, so I'm blown away by the response. I am on fire for sharing this modality and before we jump into today's episode, which is actually going to be a part or part of two episodes so today is going to be part one and I am giving you guys. Well, I'll announce the topic in just a minute, but I want to start with just reading this review from the breathwork for any of my listeners out there that are curious about trying it themselves. So, for the sake of privacy, I'm not going to mention her name, but she says I set my intention to focus on releasing one thing, and another came up.
Speaker 1:Last night I released deep grief over a lost relationship with my father, a relationship that will likely never be what it is. I grieved a dad that had left me as a child and now is incapable of loving me back. My dad is an alcoholic and moved to Alaska when I was nine. 20, 20 years later he moved closer to me to be a part of my kid's life but unfortunately now has dementia related to alcoholism and isn't able to care for himself or make good decisions. He treats me poorly and I'm the one making sure he is taken care of.
Speaker 1:Last night, through breathwork, my mind took me to this grief. I thought I was over. I thought I was hardened to and thought I couldn't cry another tear over it. Because it is what it is. I grieved it as hard as I did when I was nine and my body responded in many ways. Afterwards I felt lighter. My stomach is not bloated. I feel more present with my husband and kids. I even noticed being sillier with them and laughing more. Thank you, I will be back. What a gift this was to me.
Speaker 1:I've worked for years on my health. I have autoimmune symptoms and I truly believe the body keeps score and this could be a very important tool in my healing journey. I tear up reading her and I know this woman personally, but I tear up reading the review, because it's no amount of teaching can give that to her. I can't give her the relief she's so desperately seeking, but I can provide a space for your body to do that If you are listening and you have whatever. You are walking through and you have tried conventional routes, you've tried going the medical route, you've tried going the psychology route and it's just not working. I want to ask you to consider a tool where you combine both, where you combine your biology and your psychology, you combine the mind and the body and you allow this intention and your breath to find where you are hiding pockets of grief, pockets of anger, pockets of resentment, and help you release it in a very safe environment. It is nothing like I have ever, ever, ever experienced or witnessed, and just feeling like this came into my life at the perfect time. I really do believe God sort of led me to breathwork. As I think back to all the different modalities I had to have tried first in order for me to really trust what breathwork was designed to do. I feel like I am sitting on this huge gift and I want to steward it correctly and I want to share it with as many people as I can in person and online.
Speaker 1:Coming into the new year. I don't have plans at this time to host another monthly virtual breathwork class, but I was asked to do one in January, so I'm considering it. So if you want to try breathwork, go ahead and click the link below and get on the interest list. That will immediately give you access when I host my next class. If you are listening and you want both you want the teaching, you want the coaching, you want the support, the accountability, the mindset reframes all of that and combined with the body and the somatic work, then my newest group program, let Love In, is going to be specifically for you. This is a six-week journey for married women or women in deep, committed relationships that want to learn not just why it's important to soften and open and receive, but how to actually do that with your body, and I will be facilitating a free breathwork class as an extra bonus for being a part of the group. So you can read all about that. That will also be in the show notes that we kick off January 11th and we actually end the weekend of Valentine's Day intentionally. So even though I think Valentine's Day is stupid, I thought it really could symbolize something new for many of you guys within your marriage. So that's what I have to announce and introduce you guys to. So and last announcement is I have.
Speaker 1:So today's episode is all about what women want. When I was thinking about what could I deliver that combined what I'm offering in my business, but also what's going on in the world and it's the holidays so I put together part one. Today is 10 things that I know I guess I can't say all, but the majority of the women that I meet and connect with want it's what I wanted so badly and there wasn't many resources out there telling me of course, you want that, I want that too, me too. Like yes, let's all have that. Instead, I was met with shame. I was met with women that weren't talking about this. I was met with you know, just sort of like, just be happy with what you have, kind of energy, and it wasn't enough for me. It wasn't enough. So today's guide is 10 things that women really want.
Speaker 1:Next week is going to be part two what men really want and my ask is if you listen to it and it stirs something inside of you, send it to your spouse, send it to your partner. Tell him why it would be important to be in a container with a teacher like me and some of the things that you will learn, and also, by sending it to him, he will learn a little bit about you. So it's kind of that win-win, and then I would love you. If you have a friend who's struggling in your marriage, go ahead and send her this episode. Let her know she's not alone. And, yeah, together I really do believe that we can make marriages amazing again. So with that we will jump into today's topic what women really want.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the first one and in my opinion it is one of the most important ones in which a couple can experience such a transformational shift by doing this simple, by focusing on this simple need of women. Women want to be heard, not fixed. If you are listening to this and you've never seen the YouTube video, the nail in the head, go watch it and then come tell me that you watched it so we can laugh about it. It is so funny and it is such a light, you know, ingest depiction of what women want and how men typically respond to us. So the more I've learned about feminine and masculine energy, the more I've been able to not come at it from the stance of, like my husband's wrong for wanting to provide a solution, because I see that as such a gift of his and it is.
Speaker 1:He is the grounding element in our duo, right in our couple, or as a couple. He grounds me. I'm feminine, I'm all over the place. You know, I can be kind of flighty, I can have these big ideas, big emotions and he really grounds me. But there's a difference between doing that in a way where I feel seen, held and supported, even if I'm being out, you know, crazy and out of whack. There's a big difference in allowing that experience to be seen and witnessed and heard versus him swooping in to try to fix it Like I'm trying to think of an example, but what you know, one example would be if I was having stuff going on in my family or I was experiencing a trigger or whatever, if I needed him to really listen to me. We've developed this.
Speaker 1:He first of all understands what it is that I really want, but there are times where I do want his opinion and his solution. So I've gotten really good at clarifying before I talk, like I will say babe, I just really need you to listen to this. That's all I need. And it's hard for him. It's hard for him to listen when he knows like if I could just not assume you know this one thing about this person, like things would be better. Or if I could just not say what I said, in that way I would have a different reaction or a different relationship or different response with whoever I'm talking about. And I know that about him. I know that that's his tendency, but there's something so powerful in allowing me to voice my experience, period the end. I just want to voice it, and half of the time I am able to move through it on my own. But it's when I meet the resistance or someone telling me like I'm wrong or I'm crazy, or have you tried this where I get like I dig my heels in the sand and I am like no, I am staying put and I'm not budging and I'm not going to see things from a different perspective, because no one's letting me be heard. So I'm just going to get louder and louder and louder, right, and the thing is is most of us were raised in a family or a society, or for me, like I went to Catholic school my whole life and there is this overarching energy of like.
Speaker 1:I clearly remember, teacher, I was the kid that always wanted to raise my hand. I always like, wanted to. I had no problem speaking in front of the class. I had no problem, you know, saying the answer like I liked that. But I just remember, in almost every one of my classes my teacher's going calm down, bridgey, we'll get to you, bridgey, put your hand down, bridgey. And it was just this energy of like be seen, not heard, like shh, shh, shh.
Speaker 1:And many of us come to relationships with that wounding. So this is why I always say marriages can be such a breeding ground for healing Sorry if you hear my son in the background screaming because football's on, but this is why I say that marriage can be so healing, because many of us come in with this. I want to be heard, but I haven't. It hasn't been safe to be heard up until now. And that actually leads me to my second desire, second need that women want.
Speaker 1:A second, yeah, second thing that most women want we want to feel safe. We want to feel, and safety comes from feeling heard. It also comes from feeling protected and provided for physically, emotionally, financially, right, and I work with women all the time that are the breadwinner, and so I'm not implying that in order for a woman to feel safe, the man has to be making more money, but that's an aspect of it. For some of you it is. And just to just to know that about yourself, about what really would provide safety and stability for me in my marriage, and if providing financially is part of your makeup, it's part of your need and your want, that's okay, honor it. But if it's not, that's okay too how else can you feel safe? Let me think if there's anything else I want to say about that. Oh, so yeah, if he's not necessarily making most of the money, you know, maybe he's an active participant in the finances, he's helping making those big decisions, he's helping at tax season, like all of that, whatever it is that would provide safety. It's huge, it is really, really huge, and I say this in my programs a lot, but I'll say it here safety comes from the ability to be with whatever is.
Speaker 1:So if you are in a marriage where your anger, when you get angry or your voice gets loud, or you are having like a really intense emotional experience, if your partner shuts down like he just cannot be with that. That creates a lack of safety for the woman. So for a man in his masculine frame, being able to really show up and be with whatever is present doesn't mean you let her walk all over you and we'll talk about this next week. It doesn't mean like you just kind of stand there as a punching bag or a doormat, but it does mean that she knows you're not going anywhere. She knows that she's not pushing you away by going through whatever she's going through. Okay, so that's number two.
Speaker 1:Number three, sort of piggybacking off of that when and many of us might not want to admit this need, but when we feel safe, we want our husbands to lead us, and safety must come first. But when we feel safe, like if you were being completely honest with yourself, are you capable of leading yourself? Fuck yes, are you an independent badass boss, bitch? Hell yeah, you are. I know so many of them.
Speaker 1:We don't need a man which is and I talk about this a lot but like in the Bible, when it talks about submitting to your husband, I think it gets a bad rep of submission is the same thing as like you have like your doormat. Right, and I did. I heard this one time, and it was the difference between submissive and subservient. That was actually a word I had not heard of, but subservient really just means that you obey without question, and that's not what submission is. So you still get to have a voice, you still get to have your boundaries, you still get to have your sovereignty on what's a yes for you and what's a no, like that's not what I'm talking about when I say he's leading us, or when I'm saying that women want to be led. It doesn't mean we want, yeah, to literally like have a noose around our neck and you like pulling us in one direction, like we want free will, we want free choice, we want to be connected to what's right for us. And there is something so sexy about a man that is capable of taking over, that is capable of putting his foot down and laying a boundary when it needs to be laid, or you know, yeah, just sort of like coming in sweeping us off the feet and just taking control. That's the biggest thing and it's the hardest thing to do. Because, again, if we want him to lead us and take control, what does it require? It requires us To let go of control, and so I'm gonna share a funny story in here. I'm gonna totally throw my husband under the bus, but it's funny so I'm gonna explain it.
Speaker 1:So about a week ago my son had gotten an appendectomy and we he was two hours away and we had driven together my mother-in-law watched the kids we drove up to the hospital. We got there right before they were about to wheel him back to surgery and the physician, you know, very quickly I was focused on Hunter, but the physician very quickly told us where to go to park and we both were receiving the same information. So we go, we get in the car. I'm taking Hunter's car to drive, to move it, paul's taking the car. We drove up there and I had a lot of grandparents that were like what's going on? Like tell us? So I naturally wanted to call my mom. So I get in the car, I'm calling my mom within two minutes and, mind you, paul quite literally is leading us. He's in the car in front of me and we're moving the car to the said parking lot. He calls, he goes Uh, do you know where we're supposed to park?
Speaker 1:And in that moment, like I, I very, in a very reactionary state because I was scared about what you know is my first time ever ever 18 years sending one of my kids into surgery and I'm a nurse and Even though it was a relatively minor surgery, I was still scared and I don't think I was really aware of how much fear I had. But I lost my shit on him. I was like are you fucking getting me? You're leading like you find the parking. Read the same signs I'm reading like you listen. You heard the doctor and it was in that moment where he you know, god bless him was like whoa, I Just thought I was calling the other person that was in the room to help me. And so we had to really talk through that, because it wasn't wrong that he called me, it's not. It's not usually generally Wrong, it's more about what we like and what we don't like and what we need and what we don't need.
Speaker 1:And in that moment I really needed the mental weight of Taking care of things sort of lifted and I needed to literally quite fit like no, I Don't even know what I'm trying to say, but very literally I needed to just be able to follow him and sort of surrender, so that I could call my mom and get like a little TLC and update her and just or get a little, you know, reassurance that everything was gonna be fine, all the things. So I Tell that story because, again, I didn't handle it right. But thinking back over it, that's such a perfect description of Am I capable of finding parking? Fuck yeah. But in that moment I needed him to do it because it communicated so much trust and safety to me when he was leading the way I didn't feel like I was there by myself. So maybe some of you can relate, maybe some of you think it's crazy.
Speaker 1:But Along with that wanting to be led, we want to be pursued. So again, this is one of the key ways you can determine if your core energy is feminine versus masculine. Do you want to be the pursuer? And it doesn't mean because, because you know, learning polarity and playing with energy, it's a dance, it's not a science. So it doesn't mean I can't initiate intimacy or date night or pursue my husband, because again, we'll learn next week like they also want to be pursued. At times it just looks different, but for the majority of the women I work with, we want to be pursued, we want to be desired, we want to know that our husband, as much as it can annoy us, like maybe you felt this way.
Speaker 1:I get so annoyed when Paul walks by me and slaps my butt or Comes up from behind like there used to be a huge freeze, like get the heck off of me. Reaction Until I really like started to embody this work. But when he's not doing that, I I feel a sense of oh god, oh crap, what's wrong. What is wrong? Oh my god, right. And like I am probably the better planner. I am more than capable of coordinating, babysitting, coordinating date, you know, doing all the things. But when he does it, there's just something. He did it the other night for me, actually just yesterday he said I literally him got a text when I was at work on Friday saying babe, got a babysitter signed up, we're going, or lined up, we're going to dinner. Reservations at 6 15. I Was like, oh my god, I would marry you all over again, because it is one of our core needs as feminine beings, to be pursued, to be led Right, to have him sort of planning everything. If you will, I Lost my track. Okay, okay, perfect, yeah, so, yeah, so I do.
Speaker 1:I do tell Paul like if there was a six love language, it would be that my partner plans shit. So if you're a guy and you're listening to this, go and plan a date, I promise you, I promise you, I promise you, and plan every detail. That's the key. Don't leave her with any details that she has to plan besides. Maybe, like what she wants to wear, you know, maybe your wife wants you to pick it out, but I do not. But if that's the, the, the, the, those are the fun decisions to make, no coordination of anything, just allow her to relax and surrender and show up. Okay, so number five.
Speaker 1:Number five is we want depth. So when we choose our partner, we do not want to have the everyday conversations that we have with the rest of the world what's the weather like, what's going on with sports, like those surface level conversations. We want. Part of deep connection for women is depth. Depth in heart, felt, meaningful Experiences, conversations, intimacy, like all of it. It has, like your heart has to be in it meaning your. You have to be present, you have to be completely open and a safe place for your partner.
Speaker 1:So twofold men we don't want to know what you know. Don't talk to us like you talk about to your boys, about Whatever. All the things that you've accomplished all the things that you're doing like we're grateful for that. But we don't want to know what you know, we want to know how you feel. That is just who we are and neatly and again, I believe it's by design it's so that the man who does live and thrive in his head and on a mission Can become reconnected to its heart, to his heart. So when you look at a relationship as to Two whole individual people, but coming together as one, you have to think about the energy sort of coming together as one one and really blending and finding that balance for each other with one another, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 1:But, men, we want depth. So, yeah, another way I guess to say it is Because women want to have these deep conversations. Men don't see it as a burden, see it as a way for you to become one, become whole within yourself, because you're then accessing both energies, if that makes sense, hopefully that does. But, ladies, the other part of wanting depth is that you can't expect somebody to go to the depths of their experience if you haven't been willing to go to the depths of your own. So that's really getting to the root of your triggers and your wounds and your reactions and really understanding your experience with complete Responsibility but also compassion. And that does take support. It takes. It's not easy to do, it's really not easy to do. But if you want depth, like I want depth in my marriage, you have to be willing to go deep first in your own journey.
Speaker 1:Number six so Okay. So number six and this sort of touches on all everything that we've been talking about, but I love this needs to be a separate one as well. We want someone to share in the mental load, meaning if one of our partner or if our partner says, hey, I've got dinner tonight, I'm gonna take care of it. But if we are responsible for making sure we have all of the ingredients, getting into the store and getting the last-minute items, making sure the recipe is laid out I mean it's literally what I do when I go to work, like, and I like, I like to do that, I like to have, like, dinner planned for my family and all that, like that's not a problem. But on the days where he is taking over, I need him to take over more of the mental load as well, not just the physical. I'm gonna cook it, or you know, same thing with grocery store. If we have this conversation all the time I have it with my husband, I also have it with my 18 year old son when you say to me I'm gonna go to the grocery store, amazing, but if you go to the grocery store and have to call me ten times To find things when you can easily ask somebody there, that is, I might as well go.
Speaker 1:That's not actually taking the mental load off. So A key and a key way you know, first of all, you have to be, you have to be explaining women what the mental load is for you. Maybe it's in meal planning, maybe it's in child care, maybe it's in you know, again. I experienced this again with sports schedules. That was a huge mental load for me that my husband completely took control over. I literally. I've shared this before, I'll share it again.
Speaker 1:I wake up on the weekend, my husband, my son, has baseball. I look at my calendar. I'm like, okay, this is where I have to go. I don't put it in the calendar, I don't coordinate, like it's all planned for me and it's one of the few areas where I am not and I had to be okay, letting that go Right. That's a big part of it. That's something I'm going to be teaching women in.
Speaker 1:Let love in is how do you actually let go of the control? But it really is. It's just, it's one of my biggest turn ons to come home or, I'm sorry, to have Paul come home really attuned to what I need and take it all over the whole thing, not just an aspect of it, but like the mental load aspect is huge, huge, and I know I'm not alone in this. So that's number six. Number seven if you are a woman with a core energy or core feminine energy, you want more. You are created for more love, more connection, more depth. We are main priority within the marriage and the relationship is connection, is intimacy, is love, and we always want more of it.
Speaker 1:And I used to think this was a bad quality of me. I used to think, oh my God, I'm like never going to be satisfied. But the truth is, once I learned about who I was and how I was created and that I wasn't alone in this, it's actually a really beautiful quality because without that desire for more, we could actually and Paul will admit this we could totally become very stagnant. We could be fine with monthly dates here or there. We would be fine with going to sleep at different times all the week and high fiving each other, and he would be totally content with once a week good quality time and that's fine, it's not wrong, it's not bad. That's him. I wanted more. I had this yearning for more. I wanted to feel it in my bones that he loved me. I wanted to feel it in my bones that I was safe to be me and ask for what it was that I wanted. And now I don't apologize for that, because I really understand that wanting more is such a gift to our marriage. Because I don't want more from someone else. I want more of him. That's what I always tell him.
Speaker 1:When he thinks I'm like being too critical, I say you're not usually. Sometimes I am just being critical, but a lot of times I say it's not. He's like you're always pointing out what I'm lacking, and sometimes I am, but sometimes I'm pointing out how I don't want less of you. I'm not pointing out or focused on your lack. I'm actually desiring and trying to communicate that I want more of you. I want more presence. I want more connection. I want more intimacy. I want more, more more all related to relationship, like that is me to a court always has been, and I've always thought it was a bad quality or something was wrong with me. And it's not. It's not. So if you are listening to this and you also want more and you're like God, why can't I just be content? I want my voice to seep into your soul and I want you to hear me when I say it's a beautiful quality and your relationship needs that yearning. So so don't don't dismiss it. So okay, this was a lot, but I hope this is like jam packed episode number eight.
Speaker 1:We want humor, right? We might not say that In fact, ironically, it's like literally might. It can be the biggest irritation in my marriage that my husband is never serious, but most of the time I need to freaking laugh Because when I'm laughing it gets me into my body. It really does. It can get me out of my head. When he tells a joke or he puts on a funny song, like a really like come on, get down song, and we're just laughing like it is my favorite time with him. It's funny because I will tell you, I don't like surface stuff. I like deep relationships, deep conversations. But some of my absolute favorite memories have been when we are being silly, being light, being goofy, having fun with the kids, just laughing, just making fun of each other, like that is so needed in any relationship and especially in the relationships that want more intimacy.
Speaker 1:Being able to laugh is a sign. It is one of the most powerful signs of feeling safe. To be vulnerable, like think about that you don't actually let out a belly laugh, like deep in the belly laugh with somebody you don't really know, like you kind of hide it, you're kind of like, oh my God, have you ever had that experience? But with somebody that you truly feel safe with, you really love, with everything that you have, laughing is so good for the soul and it's such a gift of vulnerability to the relationship. So we want humor.
Speaker 1:Number nine we want to feel fully chosen and claimed. And then the question is well, how do we feel fully chosen, or what does our partner need to do in order for us to feel this? And it's going to be different for every one of us, but what I have found has been a common theme has been getting their undivided attention and presence. So they're not on their phone, even they're not playing and laughing and joking with the kids, like they are fully engrossed in what you are doing. Saying Like it is one of the reasons I love physical intimacy now because I've really owned and claimed this desire. I like having his attention, I like his presence and for years I would just make him wrong. I would just come at him and blame him and say he's so distracted, he's never here. But I never truly like, owned that. It wasn't really something he was doing. That was wrong. It was that it was rubbing up against a need that I had and I wasn't owning it.
Speaker 1:And I always think of, like little girls If you just see little girls out there, like they love the attention, they love to twirl in their dress, they love to sing out loud and somewhere along the line. We are told to be small, we are told to be quiet, we are told to not draw in attention because drawing in any attention is typically bad attention. So you know, wear your dress a certain length, make sure your body is not being shown too much or too little, like whatever it is, and this desire to be fully chosen and claim this desire to have the attention of our partner, it gets squashed and then a lot of women are super unfulfilled and I really believe it goes back to them claiming or not claiming, but owning this desire, owning it, communicating it with your partner in a way where they're not wrong, but you get to really say hey, like when I get your undivided attention, it just, oh, my God, I feel completely chosen, like I just I love it, I love it. So if that's you, if you want attention, don't feel bad, don't feel like you're selfish, don't feel like you're, I don't know. Whatever the belief is in your mind, it's not true. You were created that way and it's a beautiful desire because it keeps you guys connected. It really does so.
Speaker 1:Number 10, and I have a very hard time explaining this and even explaining it to my husband, because I think it can come off as I want to be right, but that's not actually the truth. I, along with, I think, many of you guys listening, we want to be understood, and what I personally mean by that is that I don't want to be held at the what is the word crucified? I don't want to be crucified for the way I'm talking or the erratic behavior that I'm having, without you first checking in with my heart. You first checking in with, like when he was yeah, you first checking in with like my intention, or what's the need that I can't see in this moment, like what's underneath the behavior. To me, that's you really understanding the person in front of you.
Speaker 1:And I see this so often. I see it like and this and this really truly can go both ways. But I've seen it where, you know, the man is just completely shut down because his wife is rude and disrespectful and saying bad names and he's just like checked out right, instead of him leaning in. So instead of leaning out and like just giving her the silent treatment or you know, being like this conversation is done, like hard ending. There's a difference between holding a boundary but then just avoiding, avoiding, avoiding and I see it a lot. I see it a lot with men that are just like shutting their woman down.
Speaker 1:And now you've got somebody that's not only feeling as vulnerable as she's feeling, she's just tried to express it in the only way that her body knows how to express it. And you are the only one in that moment that can say I see you, like I see you, and that has been like incredibly helpful for me. I've been teaching my boys this and with my husband, like in my cycle. If I know I'm about to have my period, like I will try to say that and like say like I'm so sorry, this is not about you, this is not about you because I can get really frantic and overwhelmed and, yeah, just really stressed really easily leading up to it. So, communicating that and him honoring that, him being able to not take it so personal I guess that's the other side of it is like we want to be understood. We don't want to have to express and then have to like spend our energy because that's exhausting to express.
Speaker 1:It really is so a lot of times after a big outburst or a big expression or big cry fest, like we will need to deeply rest our bodies and if we're then having to apologize for the fire, you know. And again it's like I hope I'm making myself clear because I'm not giving saying women should have permission to just be as nasty and disrespectful we know when they're in a mood. That's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is that you have a partner who can see past that with boundaries, with healthy, healthy boundaries right, that's absolutely something that gets to happen and the woman doesn't have to be left, because for me personally, when I don't feel understood, I get louder. Some women listening get quieter and shut down. But I get louder, I get angrier, I get like and that's always my internal cue Like, oh, I don't feel understood in this moment and so sometimes, when I'm well resourced, like, I will pause and say I really am not feeling understood, I just listen.
Speaker 1:But a lot of times I will need him to step into that understanding role and just say, ok, like you know, here's what I think is going on. Tell me if I'm on the right track. This is what it looks like you need, is this right? And that's just. It's just such a tender way to do really all of this stuff to make the woman feel heard, to make the woman feel seen, chosen, claimed like, desired, pursued, led by you. And it's such a oh. I just love it when I see it. And I get to see it a lot as a postpartum nurse, because I get to see the men really not everyone but step up and serve, like their wives, and the amazing heroin journey that she just went on to give birth Like I love, love, love seeing that. But I do also see where this is lacking in a lot of relationships. So, yeah. Well, that is what I have for you guys.
Speaker 1:I hope, if nothing else, you are walking away feeling a little validated in what you want in your relationship and your marriage. This is not just my journey. This is after coaching and speaking to and teaching and guiding hundreds of women. This really is so common and collectively we do experience the same, and I think many of us will lean more into receiving or meeting this need as soon as we can own it. So my hope in this is that you can give language maybe to use with your husband about what it is that you really want, if you really resonated with one of these 10. Or, if nothing else, you you just have a better understanding, right. You just have a better understanding in your head of like that's why I you know, when he grocery shops or, I'm sorry, when he's making dinner, and I'm still not grateful. It's not that I'm this evil bitch, it's that he took just a very small off of my shoulders. I still have the mental load, right. So it's. It's that sort of thing where, once we have awareness, then we can meet ourselves with so much more compassion. So that is all that I have for you guys today.
Speaker 1:I really, really enjoyed this episode and I'm excited to dive in with you guys next week on what men really want. I think I said this earlier, but I'll say it again. It probably will not be 10 things, because I'm going to be completely honest. Men, even if you're listening, you have to agree they're pretty simple, but I will make them very powerful. So please come back and tune in and you know what would be really grateful great for me and for find her wild coaching would be. Would you share this episode? If this episode resonated in some way? Share it with your husband? Yes, but would you share it with your girlfriends? Would you send this to somebody that you know is struggling and maybe just needs that a sense of like you're not alone in what you want and be? This is how it could look, or maybe this is how it could feel or show up in your life, and this is some things that you could say to him that would just mean the world to me. If you again, if you like this, if you're on social media, find me on Instagram and tag me and I will give you a shout out as well.
Speaker 1:I always love listening to my or hearing from my listeners and then, if you are a regular listener, don't forget to hit that subscribe button. Wherever you listen to your, to your podcasts. The subscribe button is very close by the play button and you can rate this, this episode and leave a review. I would be eternally, eternally grateful and I will see you guys next week. And then, I think I said it, but if I didn't, I will be going off the podcasting world till January 10, which is the day before my newest group program will launch.
Speaker 1:And so, once again, doors are open for my six week group program for married women. It is called let love in, and I am teaching you for very powerful feminine qualities soften, how to soften open, how to admire again, admire the world around you, the pleasure in every single moment, your spouse, and then how to receive so many of us flinch or contract even at like the slightest touch from our husband or the slightest compliment, and I want to teach you guys somatically how to actually receive that in. So it's going to be a really powerful, powerful program. I'm super excited about it. I know the women that went through it last year got a lot out of it.
Speaker 1:And last thing I just want to tell you is, if you had been interested in breathwork, joining this group, you will receive a free breathwork group session, really curated, based on what you guys have been talking about, and then, in addition, for the first 10 women that you are getting, for my most popular masterclasses. So there's a payment plan, there's early bird pricing. I have made it so easy for you. All you have to do is say yes and just trust. Okay, I love you guys. I will see you next week.