Wake up and Thrive

EP 71: Shifting Your Relationships with One Powerful Question

November 20, 2023 Create the Love, Relationships, Intimacy, Partnership, Breathwork
Wake up and Thrive
EP 71: Shifting Your Relationships with One Powerful Question
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered why your relationships seem to be stuck in an unfulfilling loop? What if the key to unlocking the potential in your marriage, friendships, or professional connections was as simple as asking yourself one powerful question? That's right, a single transformative question could be the game changer. I work with so many women who are constantly giving their power away in their experiences within their relationships. Many people spend time blaming the other person which ultimately drains their own energy and does not actually make the change they desire.

So, what do you do? Start with answering this one question.

Plus, don't miss out on an exclusive invitation to the first-ever virtual class on December 7th. This journey can help you get to the heart of the question discussed in this episode and help you create so many breakthroughs.
Register Here

Let's Connect.

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Come find me on Instagram: @findherwildcoaching
Check out my website and my offerings here

Speaker 1:

Hi, my name is Bridget and this is my podcast, wake Up and Thrive. My intention for this space is to help women around the world live more awake, aligned and truly alive. I believe wholeheartedly that we are designed to live, feel and experience the full range that life has to offer, and in doing so, we can live fully turned on in all areas. My story began with sobriety and has since been an initiation into rediscovering parts of myself that I forgot about or had abandoned. Learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. All you need is an open heart and an open mind. So if you're ready, it's time. It's time to wake up and thrive. Happy Monday, everybody. I hope you guys had a great weekend. Hope everybody is healthy. As you're listening to this, I know it is the season of germs and we're definitely feeling it in my home, so if you are as well, I'm sending you healthy vibes. Today I am bringing to you a powerful question that you can ask in your relationships that will change and shift so much, no matter whether this is your marriage or friendship or relationship struggle with an in-law or an employee. It is going to be a really powerful question that you get to ask so that you can be empowered in creating the experience that you want. But first of all, let me just start with a quick announcement. Those of you that registered for my workshop, ignite your Desire it's taking place tonight, monday, november 20, so make sure you check your email, your spam box, for all the information. This workshop is going to be fire, so I cannot wait to hang out with you. I also want to just caveat. A lot of you guys have reached out and said wait, what are you doing? Are you changing what you coach now? No, no, I'm not. Like I said in the last episode, this workshop is incredibly aligned with what I do at Finder Wild Coaching. It's helping women physically become turned on, but also just emotionally and spiritually turned on in your life and in your relationships and just enjoying it. And I've said this before, I'll say it again you cannot experience a full turn on if you are not connected to your body. So that is such a big part of what I will be sharing in the workshop tonight and what I will continue to share on here and in future offerings. Now, one of the best ways I have found and I've been doing this work for five years now one of the greatest modalities and I have tried a lot that has really helped me connect to my body has been breathwork, and so I have participated in breathwork for over two years now as a client through a few different instructors, and I knew I had to share this. I knew it was so aligned with what I was doing. So, as many of you guys know, I have been over the last 10 weeks or so in a facilitator training and I graduate. By the time this airs, I will have graduated and become an official reset breathwork facilitator. I have quite a bit of hours under my belt. It is it's really really just a cool experience and there's so much I could say, but what I really want you to hear is it's something you have to experience. If you are somebody that lives in your head, that struggles to get into your body, get out of the overthinking and over worrying and over analyzing, if you are somebody that experiences resentment or frustration and relationship and just can't let it go, then. Breathwork is for you. Breathwork is a phenomenal oh, my voice just cracked but it is a phenomenal tool. It's a 60 minute journey, 60 minute experience. You are only breathing for about half of that, maybe a little less, but it is a phenomenal way for you to experience what it feels like to be alive in your body. I've never felt anything like it. And so you are invited. I am going to drop. I'm hosting my first virtual class, december 7th I think it. I can't remember the time, but you can go ahead and click the link below and register. It is the lowest price it will ever be. I wanted to make it incredibly affordable, kind of like you're going to a yoga class and then I have a special treat the next week I'm actually bringing on my mentors and teachers, dr Corey and Jess. They are referred to as the healing couple. They will come on and really explain to you guys the science behind breathwork, some things that you might experience. So if you are listening to this and you want to try, but you're kind of nervous, that's okay. You can wait until that episode drops next week. But if you are like, okay, what's the hype? I'm in, register below, get on the list. Come and join me. It's going to be an amazing, amazing class and I'll be putting more information out about the theme and all that. But, yeah, I just cannot wait. So register below and let's jump into today's episode and this powerful question that you can ask in your relationships today to shift everything. Okay, so, you've heard me say this before. Maybe you've heard other mentors say this in this space, but relationships truly are a mirror for you for where your work is, for where your desires are, for where your boundaries need to be, for your capacity, like your relationships and what you experience in them, what turns you on, what turns you off, what really lights you up, what triggers the crap out of you. All of it. It's all a mirror, and it's all a mirror about you guys, right, like the person you're in relationship with their words and actions. That's a reflection of them. Your experience of their words and actions and your experience of their energy, of how they're showing up. That's a reflection of you. And so once you learn that and can really harness that, first of all, relationships become really fun. They really do, because it becomes this. Like I've said this before, but again, I'm sure I'm repeating myself so much on this podcast, but when I get triggered within my marriage, I almost get somewhat excited, right when I get over the annoying phase because I'm like what's here for me? Why is this coming up again? Because I have done this so many times that I know, once I push through that uncomfortableness, once I push through the irritation and the frustration and the disappointment, on the other side of that is a new found awareness that I get for myself, right when I get to learn more about myself, but also that I get to bring forward in my relationship and teach those people how to love me best. And it's part of what creates kind of what we were talking about last week, what creates that intimacy within relationships. It's into me, you see, right. Well, what are they seeing? This is where you get to use your relationships to really understand what's behind everything within you, what's in your heart. Yeah so, yeah, so. I hope that that makes sense to you. But every relationship across the board is a reflection for you to continue to grow and evolve into the person you're supposed to be. So the book that I really got this question from. It's called A Course in Miracles. It's a book full transparency. I haven't read in entirety because it's a big book but it is freaking powerful. Every time I read just even a page there's and I've read every personal development book I mean I swear under the sun, but this book says things in a way that just really lands differently. It's a completely different perspective of the life we're living. I cannot highly recommend it. But again, I'm only like a few chapters in. It is heavy book, but one of the things that the author says that is so relevant to what I'm going to talk to you about today is only what you have not given can be lacking in a situation or, in our case, in a relationship. Let me say that again only what you have not given can be felt as lacking in a situation or a relationship. So if you are lacking presence, it's most likely because you are not present. If you are lacking respect in your life with the people around you, it is most likely something you are not giving respect out to the world, to those people, in those relationships, just in life. Sometimes relationships are a mirror specifically within that relationship, right, like I'm not getting presence from my partner because I'm not being present. Or I talked about this last week I wasn't getting vulnerability from Paul, because the truth was I wasn't being vulnerable. But sometimes what you experience in a relationship is a mirror, so is a mirror for what's going on in other areas of your life. So for me, I will share in my business at times. There have been times where I have really been attracting people that are ready to go fully committed. They say yes and we have an amazing time. An amazing time and we move the needle forward. They get a lot out of it and I'm bringing a lot to it. But there was a season in my business where I was getting people that were no shows, people that were canceling, people that had like one foot in and one foot out, people that were not fully committed. And the honest to God truth is, at first I played victim and like what the heck? I'm so mad, I'm so irritated. And then I brought this to my coaching friends and they sort of presented kind of the same truth that I'm presenting to you. It was like and actually ironically, when I brought this to my coach friends a week later, we had a call planned for like we were planning a girls weekend and I was not. I wasn't a no show, but I canceled last minute and one of them called me out. She was just like isn't this exactly what you've just been complaining about, that you're experiencing? And I was like my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. So, for me, instead of spending wasted energy because it's always wasted energy in spinning and ruminating and blaming and projecting and making it about the other person I can't believe they did this, this, this, it's more like, okay, they're showing up in this way and it's really bothering me. What do I feel like is lacking in this relationship? And then here's the magical question. So take out your notes, because I want you guys to rate this down. So the first question you get to ask is because, again, we can focus so much on what we don't want, what we don't like about a situation or a relationship, but we don't. We need to also equally give airtime to what it is that we want. So, when you notice what's lacking, ask yourself what it is that you actually want. What, what, and I would, I would Encourage you to really get to the feeling. What is it that you're really wanting? Are you wanting presence? Are you wanting calm? Are you wanting Respect? Are you wanting safety? Are you wanting to feel secure in that relationship? Are you wanting space? Are you wanting you know, whatever it is that you want? Are you wanting more Patience from them? What? What is it that you feel is lacking? And then start with asking the question what is it that I'm actually wanting here? And then the magical question is how much of that whatever that feeling is presence, love, patience, security how much of that am I bringing to the relationship and to my life? Okay, so let me say that again. You notice what's lacking. You remember your coach Bridget said Whatever, I only notice what's lacking when I am the one lacking it in this situation. And then you ask okay, what is that I'm actually seeking? What do I truly desire here to feel in this relationship, in this situation, and how much of it am I actually bringing? And have a really honest conversation and look at the way that you're showing up in the relationship. Not in a way to deflect blame, right. It's not in a way to like Completely take self-ownership and not make the other person at fault at all. It is simply a way to take the power back, because you have so much more power to shift your experience within any relationship if you Let it if you're willing to go there, if you're willing to really explore. Okay, I'm asking for this from my kids, from my partner, from my mother-in-law, from my boss, but am I actually bringing this to the relationship? Or am I sitting there pissing and moaning and complaining and being checked out and being zoned out and being a little anxious? Right, am I bringing the opposite of what it is that I desire? And so you, you sit with the question how much of? How much? How much of, let's just say, let's say for for me and my husband, if I'm really craving presence, the question becomes okay, that's what I want, how much, that's what I felt is lacking, right, and that's obviously what it is that I want. How much presence am I bringing to the relationship? And then I get to have that honest conversation, and then the next question is what is one thing that I can do today to bring a little more presence into the relationship? Okay, so your homework for this week, or as I like to call it in my coaching, and your empowering action, step right, cause that's really what it is. It's empowering you to have the experience that you want. So I want you to take a moment to just think about if you're not driving, you can maybe write this down in journal a little bit about it. Which relationship in your life are you experiencing the most trigger? The most triggers. And again, the reason we're gonna go with triggers is because triggers really highlight what it is that you don't want, right, what it is that you. They point you in the direction of what it is that you want more of. One of my early, early episodes I did a whole episode on the truth around triggers so you can go back and find that one to understand where the triggers come from a little bit more. But the most important key here is think about the relationship that you have the most resentment or frustrations, or disappointments, you know that relationship that you cannot stop thinking about in your head. You cannot let it go and I want you to ask yourself what is it that you feel is lacking the most there, right? So that's where you start and that's honestly the easiest question usually to answer what's the first, what's the most, what's the biggest thing lacking, and take some time to journal on that. And again, no judgment, just let it all sort of come out and then ask yourself, if I could wave a magic wand, what would I want to be experiencing in that relationship that I'm not currently experiencing? And get to a feeling right, get to some sort of I want more love, I want more presence, I want more connection, I want more vulnerability, I want more safety, whatever it is for you. And then ask yourself this powerful question how much of whatever you wrote down am I bringing to the relationship and my life? Right, because if we're lacking it across the board, it's going to show up as a mirror in our relationships, which is why we need to be in relationship, because that's how we learn the most about ourselves. So, how much of this am I bringing forward? And then, what is one small shift I can do today? And I would, specifically today in that relationship, bring more of whatever it is that you're desiring and that's your homework, that's your action step to really start to cultivate that and bring it and treat this like an experiment, like just see, hey, as I bring more presence to my marriage, what do I get from him as I bring more? You know, I was working with a client the other day who wanted her mom to call her more, like she just felt like she had three other siblings and that they got way more attention than she did. And so I asked her the same question you want attention from her, how much attention are you giving to her, how much attention are you giving to the relationship? And the truth was she was avoiding and shut down and completely just like ignoring texts, ignoring her because it was so painful for her. So she got to be like, yeah, I really just want to spend time with her. So she extended a text to her hey, mom, do you wanna go out and get lunch? And she got amazing feedback from her and she got to actually have what it is that we want. So we know what it is that we want if we took time to really sit and reflect on it. We just are sitting around expecting the other person to just meet that need and fulfill whatever that desire is. When I'm telling you guys, you have a lot more power to sort of invite that into the relationship, invite that person into showing up for you the way that your heart wants, and it starts with you making sure that you are a clean mirror for that, so making sure that you are also bringing this forward in your life. Okay, so that is what I have for you guys this week. I hope that question lands for some of you, as always. If you guys enjoyed this podcast, would you help me out, help this podcast get out to more people? Would you share it on social media and tag me? Would you send me a private message and let me know specifically what landed? You can also, depending on where you listen to your podcast, you can read it. The ratings really helped me get in front of more people. You can leave a review so other people know which episode they should listen to. So share a little bit about your story on there and why you enjoyed what you heard and how it's really helping you in your life and in your relationships. So I would be so forever grateful, thank you, thank you, and then I will be back next week with that powerful interview with the healing couple. I am so, so excited to be able to bring this to my community and my clients. It's just, it's something I really, really believe in. So go ahead and get on the wait list. You can click the link in the show notes. Get on the wait list. I'll be sending out information after the holidays about when my first class will be and it's gonna be amazing. It's all gonna be virtual. From the comfort of your own home, you don't have to do anything but show up and be willing to go all in and use your breath. It's gonna be incredible and I hope to see you guys there. Okay, have a great week. See you next week.

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